Depression: The past several months

Relationships are no protection against depression, they do not cure the crushing despair and bleak hopelessness that besiege the seriously depressed. I used to think if I had the right friends, the best family, and the most wonderful boyfriend that I wouldn't feel this way, that I would be insulated from the terrible thoughts, utter aloneness, and cyclicle desperation that assault me in the grip of despair. Sometimes I think I'm actually getting a handle on it, feeling better, seeing the proverbial silver lining to the clouds. In fact there will be whole afternoons of light and laughter that crowd out the darkness, but I can wake up the next day to that voice in my head saying. "I told you so, I told you not to hope, not to wish for anything better".

Thankfully we, as a modern society, both have the tools to treat depression and the maturity to accept the elusiveness of the disease. I have been feeling better the past two weeks and expect the ascent to continue. It’s ironic to me that I can have a day where I am able to cook, clean, and even read without being too tired for these activities or getting caught up in repetitious negative thoughts and to me that is being hyper when to most people it is normality. I just reread the last sentence, and I have no idea if it makes sense to anyone other then me. Anyhow, if you have not experienced the crippling nature of depression, please be mindful when speaking to us who have. This is a serious illness and I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

Thank you to family and friends who have continued to reach out to me. Depression is so selfish that I am not always able to respond appropriately to those I hold dear.