Poem

Ode to my job

I sit at the computer and stare into space
Wondering while I mark time in this place
Is this all there is? Is this really me?
A cog in a wheel? A bolt in a machine?

But alas, without me, where would you be?
You'd have nothing to watch, but a blank black TV
So I write POs and send out the tapes
Of Harry Potter and Professor Snape

Chained to my desk, a hardworking drone
To keep the public amused and make them feel not-so-alone
This is the druggery that frustrates me so,
But alas, I'll stop bitching and get on with the show.

Book Review: Facing the Wind: A True Story of Tragedy and Reconciliation by Julie Salamon, Sandra Burr

Facing the Wind is about the murder of a family by their beloved and seemingly stable patriarch. In 1978 Bob Rowe killed his wife, two sons (one who was disabled) and adopted daughter with a baseball bat. He was found to be not-guilty by reason of insanity (some of the best parts of the book deal with the insanity defense and how his lawyers plot their case). This is an incredible true crime book written with the participation of many people who’s lives were touched by the tragedy, including the cooperation of the woman, Colleen, who eventually married Rowe years after he was released from the mental hospital. It is this massive scope that is both what recommends the piece as well as its downfall.

As a reader one is unsure what statement the authors are trying to make, you’re unable to be righteously angry at Rowe, since it is amply evident that he truly was suffering a debilitating mental illness, but at the same time you feel that his successful treatment and life after his family’s monstrous murders is unfair. The fact that he is able to recover, remarry, and have a daughter with his new wife fills you with questions about the lives he took. This book challenges it’s readers to see beyond simple categories of good and evil and confront the humanity within atrocities that is sometimes experienced by both the victim and the perpetrator. I whole-heartedly recommend this book to people interested in true-crime not for it’s sensationalism, but for the truths behind the headlines.

Personal Hero: Harry Bingham

Another person, like Chiune Sugihara who listened to their heart instead of their government:

Hiram (or Harry) Bingham IV by Richard Haft (sent to me by my Great Aunt and Uncle)

Just a little more evidence of the behavior of the Roosevelt administration toward the Jews of Europe during WW2 ---

Sometime ago, then Secretary of State Colin Powell gave a posthumous award for"constructive dissent" to Hiram (or Harry) Bingham IV. For over fifty years, the State Department resisted any attempt to honor Bingham. For them, he was an insubordinate member of the US diplomatic service, a dangerous maverick who was eventually demoted. Now, after his death, he has been officially recognized as a hero. Bingham came from an illustrious family. His father (on whom the fictional character Indiana Jones was based) was the archeologist who unearthed the Inca City of Machu Picchu, Peru in 1911.

Harry entered the US diplomatic service and, in 1939, was posted to Marseilles , France as American vice-consul. The USA was then neutral and, not wishing to annoy Marshal Petain's puppet Vichy regime, President Roosevelt's government ordered its representatives in Marseilles not to grant visas to any Jews. Bingham found this policy immoral and, risking his career, did all in his power to undermine it. In defiance of his bosses in Washington, he granted over 2,500 USA visas to Jewish and other refugees, including the artists Marc Chagall and Max Ernst a family member of the writer, Thomas Mann.

He also sheltered Jews in his Marseilles home, and obtained forged identity papers to help Jews in their dangerous journeys across Europe. He worked with the French underground to smuggle Jews out of France into Franco's Spain or across the Mediterranean, and even contributed to their expenses out of his own pocket.

In 1941, Washington lost patience with him. He was sent to Argentina, where, later, he continued to annoy his superiors by reporting on the movements of Nazi war criminals. Eventually, he was forced out of the American diplomatic service completely.

Bingham died almost penniless in 1988. Little was known of his extraordinary activities until his son found some letters in his belongings after
his death. Many groups and organizations, including the United Nations and the State of Israel, have now honored him. ( His postage stamp will be out in
2006).

Merry and Happy and all that Holiday JOY!!!!

I had a wonderful Hanukkah and a nice Christmas as well. We spent Christmas with Jedi’s family on the east coast. Since he parents are divorced we split our time between Virginia, where his dad and step-mom live and Maryland, where his mother, her boyfriend, and Jedi’s Nanny and Papa live. The weather was overcast, but not too cold which was a nice change from the snow I was dreading.

At his father’s place we got to see their pet rooster, Cluck. He was there during a past visit, but had yet to be adopted by Jedi’s dad and step-mom. Now he’s a full fledged member of the family, getting up early to eat a smorgasbord of insects that inhabit the large plot of land where he lives. When Cluck first arrived he was a mess, he looked to have been in a cock fight since he was missing most of his tail feathers and had scabs on his breast from multiple injuries. He looks much better now, his tail feathers are filling in and except for a few hot-spots on his wings his coat is nice and shiny.

Thankfully this year the weather was very mild for an east coast winter and I made do by removing my insulated liner from my ski jacket and just used the outer shell as a wind breaker. No crabs to pick this time either over upteen million glasses of Yuengling beer. Strangeley enough I think that after having jumbo sized blue crabs in Ocean City, MD this summer that I am spoiled by their shear size and sweet tastey meat and would have a difficult time settling for the mediums.

I got some great gifts from Jedi, my family, his family and some of my friends too, my two favorite gifts being boardgames, Scrabble Deluxe Edition and 80s Trivial Pursuit (VERY FUN). My sister sent me some beautiful earrings and I received one of a kind glass earring and necklace from my best friend, her husband, and their adorable little boy who I sometimes baby-sit for. I have a scandalous amount of gift cards for everything from Starbuck’s to Barnes and Noble (those won’t last long). I hope you, dear reader, also had a memorable holiday season filled with love, health, and happiness.

Book Review: Depraved by Harold Schechter

In this tour de force book chronicling the devilish actions of turn of the century serial murderer and con-man H.H. Holmes we find out not only about his devious deeds, but the brilliant mind that was able to juggle so many scams before he was caught. Reading about Holmes reminds me a lot of the charming depravity of Ted Bundy. Both were selfish, self-serving psychopaths who are unable to empathize with their victims.

The earlier part of the book is far more fascinating then the end since it deals with Holmes’ crimes and his co-ordination of many wives and mistresses. He appears to have been an irresistibly attractive catch for any woman of the era. He had many properties including his architectural monstrosity called the Castle, he marketed his own natural remedies from his own pharmacy, and appeared to be a self-made man. The later part of the novel talks about when Holmes is finally brought to justice (after many murders and other conspiracies for personal gain). I admit that the courtroom drama in this section read rather dryly (the only exception being when Holmes tries to represent himself in court a la Bundy, very interesting).

This is my first reading of a book by Schechter, who is a prolific true crime writer. I also have his novel, Deranged, which tells the horrifying story of Albert Fish, a fiend of monstrous proportions. I’ll be reading that after finishing the 4th Dark Tower book by Stephen King, Wizard and Glass (these books just keep getting better and better-major kudos to Mr. King).

angry Angry ANGRY!!!!!

I just scrapped up the right rear quarter panel and door of my car because some idiot was taking up my lane when I turned the corner in the below-ground parking garage at my work. If I hadn't cut the turn sharply he would have hit me head-on. I am thankful, of course, that no one was hurt, but ticked that the guy driving merely looked at me shrugging sheepishly before driving off while I had to put my car in park with the hazards on and get out to look at the damage. Oh, well, I just have to think G-d will address this little faux pas with him in the future.

It just makes me so mad because this was obviously a preventable incident. All it would have taken is someone driving slower and paying a bit of attention. I guess having this happen on top of someone vandalizing my car last year by carving the "F" word into the driver's side quarter panel in 8 inch high letters makes my car look terrible. On the bright side, the car is paid off and runs fairly well...so I guess the glass is half full...

Most of all I wish you Love

My love for my boyfriend grows, day by day, month by month, and year by year.

Who taught me about love?

About the breadth and depth you can feel for someone else? About experiencing yourself through their reactions and interactions with you? About finding peace and solace in another, a brief respite from solitude, a friend to be depended on, a hand to hold.

It is my grandparents and parents I think of when I think of love. Both my mother’s parents and my father’s parents were married for many decades and seemed to have great respect and admiration for their partners. Having experienced the atrocities of WWII probably made them grateful to be able to spend time with loved ones, to be able to see them safe and alive in the United States. They were also incredibly brave for bringing children up during uncertain times. Having experienced two world wars is enough to make a person weary and frightened of the future. In a world where the holocaust destroyed millions, people were still showing their hope and belief in the human race. Having children is to me the most personal and concrete form of hope that a person can express. It is their way of contributing to a better future, their way of saying that through all of our actions, together we can make a difference.

Love is a difficult word to define. In the dictionary love the noun is defined 28 different ways. I’m not so sure I could do much better then that. Mostly what I have learned and tried to personify is the idea that love leaves room for errors, mistakes, imperfection, love is not about judging, but more about accepting, supporting and encouraging. I want my boyfriend to be the best person he can be, I also want to help him explore his thoughts and feels and find different interests and new goals to set and achieve. My love should have elements of patience (an uphill battle for me always), persistence, a humongous sense of humor, thoughtfulness, kindness, and compassion. I want to be my boyfriend’s best friend, I want to be his safe place to be vulnerable, I want to be the person he shares laughter and tears with. It’s a tall order being in love with someone. I am so grateful that I know what love can be.

Beatiful story that I wanted to share

Christmas Story – courtesy of Mike and Scarlet (and also Dave Z)

SIMPLE WHITE ENVELOPE

It's just a small white envelope stuck among the
branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past 10 years or so.

It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas -- oh, not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it -- the overspending, the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma -- the gifts given in desperation because you couldn't think of anything else.

Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass
the usual shirts, sweaters, ties, and so forth. I reached for something special just for Mike. The inspiration came in an unusual way. Our son Kevin, who was 12 that year, was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended.

Shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against a team sponsored by an inner-city church.

These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings
seemed to be the only thing holding them together, presented a
sharp contrast to our boys in their spiffy blue and gold uniforms
and sparkling new wrestling shoes. As the match began, I was
alarmed to see that the other team was wrestling without headgear,
a kind of light helmet designed to protect a wrestler's ears. It was a luxury the ragtag team obviously could not afford.

Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight class. And
as each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered around in
his tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride that couldn't acknowledge defeat.

Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly, "I wish just one of
them could have won," he said. "They have a lot of potential, but
losing like this could take the heart right out of them." Mike
loved kids -- all kids - - and he knew them, having coached little league football, baseball, and lacrosse.

That's when the idea for his present came. That afternoon, I went
to a local sporting goods store and bought an assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the inner-city church.

On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree, the note inside telling Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and in succeeding years.

For each Christmas, I followed the tradition -- one year sending a
group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a hockey game, another
year a check to a pair of elderly brothers whose home had burned to
the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on. The envelope
became the highlight of our Christmas. It was always the last thing
opened on Christmas morning, and our children, ignoring their new
toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted
the envelope from the tree to reveal its contents.

As the children grew, the toys gave way to more practical presents,
but the envelope never lost its allure. The story doesn't end
there. You see, we lost Mike last year due to cancer. When
Christmas rolled around, I was still so wrapped in grief that I
barely got the tree up. But Christmas Eve found me placing an
envelope on the tree, and in the morning it was joined by three
more. Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others, had placed
an envelope on the tree for their dad. The tradition has grown and someday will expand even further with our grandchildren standing around the tree with wide-eyed anticipation watching as their fathers take down the envelope.

Mike's spirit, like the Christmas spirit, will always
be with us.

May we all remember those friends and loved ones who
are the givers and understand the true meaning of
Merry Christmas.

Happy Hanukkah to All!

I have had a wonderful Hanukkah so far, we even had a night to celebrate with friends on Sunday. To be honest, Hanukkah is not my favorite holiday, I am much more interested in Passover and Thanksgiving (perhaps that has more to do with the family and food elements then the holidays themselves, but they have always been my two favorites). However, the fact that I have yet to make traditional latkes with sour cream and apple sauce makes it feel like Hanukkah has not really started.

I admit, I am a creature of habit and often equate celebrations with the menus I grew up with. Blintzes, roast chicken, and latkes for Hanukkah. Apricot chicken, honeyed carrots, matzo ball soup (homemade chicken broth), and brisket for Passover. Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and Dad’s delicious gravy for Thanksgiving.

Perhaps when we are on the East Coast later this weekend I will have the time to indulge in making latkes and blintzes, but I think one thing is for sure, there will be no lack of food during these holidays.

Exciting News

My softball team from work won their second play-off game last night!

What a great feeling it was last night to see our group of guys and girl working together to make plays, hit well, and offer encouragement to eachother. I am just thrilled to have made it this far in the season, especially since I have never played softball before as an adult. In January I will continue playing as a fill-in for another league not associated with my work. I am imminently proud of myself for sticking with it and not giving up because I am not a very good player or giving into my depressive feelings so they prevent me from going to the games. It feels good to follow-thru on something, plus I think the tiny bit of exercise I am getting is helping with my “down” mood. Anyhow, just wanted to share.

Death

A dear friend of mine is mourning today because it is the anniversary of a tragic death in her family. Our conversation this morning and a recent car accident that took the life of one of Jedi’s clients has sparked my own thoughts on death and the rituals and rites we incorporate into our lives to make the passing of our loved ones easier to bear.

Being sheltered from the early deaths of my mother’s parents, I was scared by the mystery of the funerals which I did not attend due to my age and the traveling involved. To this day I still regret not being surrounded by others to share my grief and most of all not being there for my parents and aunt and uncle to witness them pay their respects. It is something I think about almost weekly, funerals truly are for the living and they are an integral part in the grieving process. At turns I feel comforted by my own belief that in death we all come together in heaven and I will once again get to hold pets I cherished, speak with relatives who passed on, and have the time to sit back and review all of the blessings of my life. Other times I am frightened of the unknown in spite of my strong faith in G-d and heaven and feel full of questions about the afterlife that has no readily available answers.

Perhaps I am a fatalist, perhaps I developed my mostly peaceful feelings about death after seeing several high school friends choose to end their own lives. When a friend passed we would gather at a local eatery and talk at length about all the good things they contributed in our lives, we would bathe ourselves in the happy times and maybe not feel so helpless and sad. The anger was something I found myself holding onto though. I was angry at the person, angry at G-d, and angry at myself for not being able to do anything to change the outcome. At some point I realized the anger was ruining my love for the person who had passed. It was polluting my memories so I tried to see their death as being inevitable, as being a call from G-d to stop their pain and bring them home to heaven. Now when someone dies I believe it is inevitable, that no matter the cause of death it is G-d’s will and therefore I do not feel as angry and helpless as I used to. Whether it is natural causes, illness, accident, suicide, or homicide I have known people who died from all these categories, the truth is that people die. Death is integral to living and to live to our fullest we must acknowledge both sides of the coin, we must accept our mortality and let it be our guide to loving those around us with ferocity.

I hope to write another post soon addressing the Jewish rituals surrounding the dead and dying soon.

Star Sightings at Sushi

On Tuesday night we celebrated my friend’s birthday at a sushi restaurant in Studio City that I have not been to in a very long time. I arrived at the restaurant ahead of the rest of the group. Upon entering I noticed that there was only one table occupied. I looked over and saw that it was occupied by none other then Maurice Benard who plays Sonny on General Hospital. Now, I don’t watch soap operas anymore, but GH used to be an obsession for me. My roommate in college got me hooked.

I admire Mr. Benard not for his acting ability (although he was fantastic as Desi Arnaz in the TV movie Lucy & Desi : Before the Laughter), it is his for his courage in admitting on an episode of Oprah that he suffers from bipolar disorder. Mental illness is still such a stigma in society that I was amazed to see such a high functioning actor who admits to having the disease. His bravery helped me come to grips with my own mental illness. I will be forever grateful to him for “coming out” as bipolar since it made me recognize that people with mood disorders can lead fulfilling and meaningful lives.

So, this sushi place is one happening joint because who should walk in next, but George Clooney, another personal hero of mine for his tireless advocacy to bring attention to the atrocities in Darfur. Strangely enough I also saw an episode of Oprah where Mr. Clooney spoke out about the Save Darfur rally that took place in Washington in April 2005 (hello, why has the U.S. still done nothing to help the people of Darfur caught between viscious warlords? I get so angry about this!). He is outspoken in his criticism of U.S. politicians, a trait I often find annoying in celebrities, but for some reason, probably since I agree strongly with what he is saying, I admire his eloquence and bravery in calling legislators to task for their actions. Be it Rumsfield and Bush for the Iraq war or the U.N. for not acting more rapidly to help the people of Darfur, Sudan, I find his candidness refreshing and heartening.

Our Troops: A Mental Health Crisis

This morning I heard a very troubling report on NPR about mental health treatments for soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. Soldiers returning from overseas are suffering nightmares, increased anxiety, inability to cope with the stresses of returning to civilian life, and many other symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. When they then seek out medical attention to treat these symptoms there are long waiting lists and even if they get an appointment there is no guarantee that their commanding officers will allow them to attend. Commanding officers at Carson Military Base told their soldiers that when they are in training they must be persent at all times and cannot have the time off to see mental health professionals. Is this appalling to you as it is to me?

Even worse is that some commanding officers view men that have attendance problems or trouble following orders as malingerers instead of realizing that these are symptoms of suffering and emotional instability. They actually believe that the soldier is faking PTSD so that they will not be sent back to active duty in the Middle East. It is almost 2007 yet it seems to be more like the middle ages when we are seeing this sort of tragedy and rush to judgement against those who need mental health help most. The stigma fostered by the armed services (in my opinion based on reading many articles and speaking with friends and family in the military) puts us back in the stone ages. Soldiers who need help are seen as weak or disgraced, a dangerous and short-sighted assessment by untrained, insensitive commanders and peers.

I was at turns angered, frightened, and flabbergasted by the army’s lack of mental health treatment available for our soldiers who served in a war zone. These men have death and destruction burned into their retinas, screams echoing in their ears, they are dealing with the effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder on their own and I find that appalling.

This is a tragedy two-fold in that the person coming back from the serving in the middle east does not get adequate care so their families are left trying to cope with the anger and sadness that person has.

Suicide rates have risen in soldier populations both in the states and those still deployed. The link to depression, PTSD, and suicide are medically proven. Years from now we can expect to continue dealing with the fallout from inappropriate or inadequate mental health care for our troops. Until we start treating people who seek out mental health with the care and concern that their bravery warrant we will continue to see the consequences of the fear, aggression, sadness, and despair these men are feeling acted out via suicides, domestic abuse, and violence in our neighborhoods.

Book Review: The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression by Andrew Solomon (audiobook)

This book is both a personal story of the author’s struggles with depression as well as a primer for people who are not familiar with the clinical aspects of the disease. It is chalk full of medical information that is first explained in terms that are not incredibley lay-reader friendly. Fortunately, Solomon is able to give examples from many walks of life that serve to illustrate the many difficult to understand and relate to emotions, actions, and physical symptoms that characterize depression. This is an extremely dense read, if I had read it instead of listening to the book on tape, I would have never finished it (perhaps a testament to my own loss of focus while experiencing depression).

Part of being vigilant about depression is being well informed and Solomon is very thorough in his overall view of depression, sharing not only the horrors he experienced during his own bouts, but also showing how depression is viewed in other cultures which serves to illuminate the continued stigma and undertreatment of it. The most heartwrenching chapter in his book focused on the Inuit or Eskimo people of Alaska and how they have the highest rate of suicides among any depressed population studied. It was eye-opening to learn how some cultures do not have the language to talk about their dark feelings, how it is considered inappropriate to bring your sadness and anger out in to the open to begin the healing process. You do not share these emotional and physical burdens with those around you because you should be stoic. I cried listening to the chapter on the undertreatment of depression in our homeless and drug addicted communities. How they are denied treatment since they are pre-judged as being failures due to their homelessness and drug abuse which are seen as problems and not the symptoms of mental illness.

I leave you with this quote from the text:

“There is a moment, if you slip or trip, before your hand shoots out to break your fall, when you feel the earth rushing up at you and you cannot help yourself, a passing, faction-of-a-second terror. I felt that way hour after hour. Being anxious at this extreme level is bizarre. You feel all the time that you want to do something, that there is some affect that is unavailable to you, that there's a physical need of impossible urgency and discomfort for which there is no relief, as though you were constantly vomiting from your stomach but had no mouth. With the depression, your vision narrows and begins to close down; it is like trying to watch TV through terrible static, where you can sort of see the picture but not really; where you cannot ever see people's faces, except almost if there is a close-up; where nothing has edges. The air seems thick and resistant, as though it were full of mushed-up bread. Becoming depressed is like going blind, the darkness at first gradual, then encompassing; it is like going deaf, hearing less and less until a terrible silence is all around you, until you cannot make any sound of your own to penetrate the quiet. It is like feeling your clothing slowly turning into wood on your body, a stiffness in the elbows and the knees progressing to a terrible weight and an isolating immobility that will atrophy you and in time destroy you."

As a side note, “The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, has won {him} fourteen national awards, including the 2001 National Book Award, and is being published in 22 languages. It was also a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize.“

T-Day Weekend Movies

It is the week after Thanksgiving, what that means to most Americans is “leftovers”, what that means to us here at the Pork Loving Jewess blog is “movies”. I actually got off my butt and saw 2 movies this weekend and 1 last weekend, bringing my year total of watching movies at the theater to a whopping 8 films!!! A ton if you compare it to my parents seeing none, but not so many if you compare it to my fellow cinema school graduates who see movies every weekend and can also quote them ad nauseum.

My theater going experiences were nice this weekend, especially since I got to see Borat with my 20 year old nephew and see him laugh uproariously at Sacha Baron Cohen’s bumbling among Americans for 80 minutes. It was leaps and bounds better to watch this tongue-in-cheek over-the-line laughfest then all the hours I've invested in crappy movies made from crappy SNL skits that should have never made it onto the big screen (A Night at the Roxbury, Coneheads, Stuart Saves His Family, and It's Pat I'm talking about you!) .

I admit, I am biased since Sacha Baron Cohen is Jewish, I think I like him more then I would if say, a non-Jew were playing his role of bumbling Kazakhstan reporter. He puts himself in situations that are more then uncomfortable and yet his ability to stay in character makes him rather endearing and lovable, at least to me. Plus the fact that he exposes how much we, America, as a nation has not changed since we were segregated and women were “barefoot and pregnant” and anti-semitism was an everyday occurence instead of just being heard during one of Mel Gibson’s drunken rant. Many of the people featured in the film will look at the parts of themselves on display and not like what they see, will they change? No, actually they ended up suing Baron Cohen…ah, the American way!

Yesterday me and the boyfriend had a fabulous date to see Tenacious D: Pick of Destiny. It was basically pieces of old sketches, new songs, new and old characters, and a whole lot of very funny faces. Since I am a believer in “do what works”, I was pretty happy overall with the film. Jack Black and Kyle Gass who make up the Spinal Tap-like rock group Tenacious D have great chemistry. I am embarrassed to admit that I did not recognize Dave Grohl in the Satan makeup (although in the music video for Tribute I never had a problem…hmmm…old age?). The storyline of the movie isn’t at all complex, but the physical comedy and “inside” jokes are worth their weight in proverbial gold. A must see!

Book Review: Fahrenheit 451

In belated honor of National Book Month in October I read Ray Bradbury’s classic banned novel Fahrenheit 451. My friend over at Bryan’s Book Blog would be horrified to know that this is the first Bradbury I have ever picked up. Of course, I feel rather sheepish since I know that Dandelion Wine is widely acclaimed and have yet to pick up a copy.

Well, let me assure you dear reader, I will be picking up a copy of Dandelion Wine as soon work is over and I can log into my Amazon account. The straightforward lean prose of Fahrenheit 451 serve to underscore the horrors of what their modern society has become, a place as bleak as the environs served up by Phillip K. Dick in Minority Report. The character of Guy struggles with monumental moral dilemmas and in the end runs smack into the futility that minorities suffer at the hands of the majority. His life becomes a waiting game, but finally, he is among like minded individuals who have accepted this way of life in a soceity ruled by fear.

What You Can Do to Help Someone Experiencing Depression

Listen, listen, listen. Althought the depressed person may be reticent to share their feelings at first, if you are patient and continue to try and draw them out it can help alleviate the loneliness and solitude of the illness. Depression isolates people so speaking about it helps them carry the load of guilt, anger, numbness, and sadness. It can also lessen the shame and taboo nature of the disease. Being withdrawn or apathetic is a symptom of the depression that can be very annoying, it does not mean that the person does not love or care about you. Be willing and flexible enough to keep reminding the person experiencing the desolation of depression that you are there to talk when they are ready.

Many people think if you don’t talk about it, it will go away or they believe that the person suffering actually does not want to talk and they leave them alone. Ostensibly because they want to give the person space to deal by themselves, many depressives will tell you that sharing their emotions helps them clarify their thoughts and feelings. Getting them out in the open relieves the tremendous flood of meloncholy. You must try to listen actively and willingly without judgement. Also do not take what the depressed person is saying personally, you must be objective and realize the person is seeing the world through their affliction. You may want to repeat back what your friend, relative, or mate is saying so they know you “get” it.

Offer hope to the person by reminding them of their success over past episodes of the blues. Let them know that what they are feeling is real, but that it will pass and they will be capable of experiencing happiness again. Tell them of their worth in the world maybe share stories of how they have helped others. Note the positive aspects of their life without demeaning the fact that they are unable to focus on those. The person may need encouragement to get out of the house and do the things they once enjoyed.

Take an active roll in helping around the house, many everyday tasks can be overwhelming. Recruit other people to assist you during this time. A good support system can give you the opportunity to vent your frustration and anger at the depression. Remember it is a disease and that the person who has it is not acting like themselves, they are as annoyed, upset and inconvenienced as you are.

You may want to ask them how you can help, each person copes differently so it doesn’t hurt to find out from them what is the correct approach. If they deny all of your attempts at assistance do not give up, continue to offer with the chance that they might need you but are too ashamed to seek you out. Depression can feel like a burden and many people are reticent to rope others into the ugly morose melancoly that is afflicting them. They may have trouble expressing their needs and wants. Keep trying, keeping listening and talking, continue caring, offer unconditional love.

Acupuncture

My first acupuncture treatment for my carpal tunnel was this morning. It was much more boring and mundane then I thought it would be. In fact only four needles were used per arm with two for each wrist and two in the forearm. The first needle hurt the most, well, it didn’t really hurt so much as activate the nerve running up the side of my thumb and make it tingly and aching, mimicking the carpal tunnel in a strange way. Before the doctor applied the needles he applied a Chinese herbal balm to the areas that would be treated. The balm was icy-hot and by the end of the half hour treatment I was so distracted by how cold my limbs were that the needles didn’t faze me a bit. Of course, dear reader, I am not a squeamish person around needles, I have always had a fascination with medicine and am no less interested when it is I that is the patient. Plus the needles were so thin and delicate that they bend at the slightest breeze, it was really neat to see that they had the strength to penetrate my skin, I admit, I doubted they would be able to since they were so dainty (a needle dainty? I know, you’d have to see it to believe it).

I’m going back in on Saturday and have yet to experience relief, but then again, like most things results take time.

The Pitfalls of Being “OK”

I am what my doctor and therapist consider a “high functioning” person. There are many drawbacks to being able to get up in the morning, hold down a job, and have the freedom if not the energy to socialize fairly coherently. The trouble is that people take these actions in combination to conclude that I am rational and doing pretty good. I contribute to the problem by concealing my emotions and putting on a façade of being “OK” to protect the ones I love. I am a master of secrecy, I cry and rage in my car, call friends who are states away to express my woes and otherwise fool myself into believing that I am coping and functioning well.

Being so functional deludes me into complacency. I think because I am capable of taking showers in the morning, feeding the dog, answering e-mails, that things are on the up and up, but truthfully I am just maintaining. I am at the minimum level of my abilities. It is overwhelming to me to face cleaning my desk, setting up a writing schedule that I will adhere to, taking classes that will enrich my life like cooking, writing, knitting, sewing, and self-defense, tending to the dead garden in the backyard, caring for my indoor plants, cleaning up the closet, ordering photos online and putting them in frames and scrapbooks, these things are always on my mind and I condemn myself as a failed human being for putting them off indefinitely. So, there is a price for my continued illusion of stability, it is a tricky balancing act of taking care of myself just enough to appear alright, yet finding other secretive ways to manage the pain and isolation of the illness.

Denial is a wonderfully human trait, many people I know use it as a coping mechanism. Denial, in my mind, causes friends and family to be able to look at me and say, “Wow, she is doing so well” that they cannot imagine the pain, shame, anger, and sadness that I hide from all but the closest confidants. They ascribe my self-awareness as a prophylactic against the more ugly aspects of depression. In truth I am not a trustworthy reporter of my emotional state. Since depression can be burdensome, I want to protect everyone from it and bear the brunt since I am the one who feels defective. The stigma of mental illness in America is not as bad as it once was, but I would hate for someone to chalk any of my moods or behavior up to “being depressed” when they have no clue what it is like to walk in my shoes. It feels dangerous for me to tell people of my “problem”, I often am reticent to disclose this information since I have noticed that sometimes people view you as your symptoms instead of as a human being with a treatable disease.

I want to say that I manage the disease very well and for the most part I do, but sometimes I get so caught up in trying to be a part of everyday life that I forget to take the kind of care of myself that I should. Diet, exercise, and complying with my medication schedule play key rolls in balancing my moods. I get overconfident when I am doing good and can overdue the eating and underdue the exercise to a degree that has devastating effects. No, I am not a drama queen, this is a true disease that can consume lives and cripple individuals robbing them of safety inside their minds. It’s like an alien that takes up residence with no intentions of leaving, one who says nasty things about you and destroys the positives with it’s gloom and doom.

I'm an Aunt again!!!

My brother and sister-in-law had a baby boy this afternoon around 3:30PM. He is 8lbs, 9oz. and healthy and beautiful, I cannot wait to meet him next week.