Death

A dear friend of mine is mourning today because it is the anniversary of a tragic death in her family. Our conversation this morning and a recent car accident that took the life of one of Jedi’s clients has sparked my own thoughts on death and the rituals and rites we incorporate into our lives to make the passing of our loved ones easier to bear.

Being sheltered from the early deaths of my mother’s parents, I was scared by the mystery of the funerals which I did not attend due to my age and the traveling involved. To this day I still regret not being surrounded by others to share my grief and most of all not being there for my parents and aunt and uncle to witness them pay their respects. It is something I think about almost weekly, funerals truly are for the living and they are an integral part in the grieving process. At turns I feel comforted by my own belief that in death we all come together in heaven and I will once again get to hold pets I cherished, speak with relatives who passed on, and have the time to sit back and review all of the blessings of my life. Other times I am frightened of the unknown in spite of my strong faith in G-d and heaven and feel full of questions about the afterlife that has no readily available answers.

Perhaps I am a fatalist, perhaps I developed my mostly peaceful feelings about death after seeing several high school friends choose to end their own lives. When a friend passed we would gather at a local eatery and talk at length about all the good things they contributed in our lives, we would bathe ourselves in the happy times and maybe not feel so helpless and sad. The anger was something I found myself holding onto though. I was angry at the person, angry at G-d, and angry at myself for not being able to do anything to change the outcome. At some point I realized the anger was ruining my love for the person who had passed. It was polluting my memories so I tried to see their death as being inevitable, as being a call from G-d to stop their pain and bring them home to heaven. Now when someone dies I believe it is inevitable, that no matter the cause of death it is G-d’s will and therefore I do not feel as angry and helpless as I used to. Whether it is natural causes, illness, accident, suicide, or homicide I have known people who died from all these categories, the truth is that people die. Death is integral to living and to live to our fullest we must acknowledge both sides of the coin, we must accept our mortality and let it be our guide to loving those around us with ferocity.

I hope to write another post soon addressing the Jewish rituals surrounding the dead and dying soon.