Pork Loving Jewess

Guilty Pleasure

2008-07-23T21:17:00.000-07:00

So my best friend got me watching "So You Think You Can Dance" this season and it is my newest guilty pleasure. Not only do I love all the different dance genres that are featured, but tonight LL Cool J appeared on the show debuting his new song, "Baby". I was a teen in the late 80s/early 90s and remember being seduced by LL's silky smooth vocals on "I Need Love". Since that time, he's been consistently putting out fabulous music with energy and ingenuity. It was great seeing him on a show that featured LA Ballet Dancers in a Pas De Deux. It shows the enormous appeal of music and dance combined and I love that the diversity is evident throughout the show.

Don't fritter away your happiness.

2008-07-23T20:40:00.000-07:00

When I am upset, food is my chosen solace. Like many people out there a donut or fries are not only enjoyable after a sucky day of work or an unfulfilling job search, but they are also a reward for surviving the not so fun aspects of being a responsible adult. Unlike normal addictive substance that people can quite cold turkey (alcohol, nicotine, caffeine), there's no way to just give up food. Lately my relationship with food has not been all that stellar. For years I have been a secretive and shameful eater...I'm not really sure who I am hiding from since there's no one around to judge me except myself. I guess taking it one meal at a time is the best encouragement I can give myself. After a really bad work day (one of many lately) I was able to avoid the donut shops and the drive-thrus on my way home from work and instead stopped at the great wholesale grocery store where I bought cherries, grapefruit, and nectarines. Picked up some beautiful dried fruits too. Not exactly sugar-free, but at least their natural sweets to tame my out of control sweet tooth.

I continue to be a work in progress and will probably battle my weight for years to come, but for now, I am going to just work on today.

Which Celebrity Chef am I?

2008-07-22T14:29:00.001-07:00

Which Celebrity Chef are You?

You are PAULA DEEN!
You are all about getting back to your roots! It ain't about bein' fancy or low-fat, it's about FAMILY, FRIENDS and FUN! Paula's Home Cooking would be THE IDEAL SET for you!

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

Ode to the Headache

2008-07-21T22:43:00.000-07:00

My constant friend for four weeks straight
Not acting myself, a crabby friend and mate
The throbbing feeling inside my brain
Insistent feelings of tension and pain

The ongoing search to find a cure
Yoga, pills, sleep, lose their allure
When none work, none relieve the ache
It's all I can do to function, more then I can take

Go away you evil fiend
Leave me alone, stop making me mean
I want the freedom to think pain free
Doctor find a cure and give it to me!!!

ABCs of Me

2008-07-16T12:01:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of my wonderful cousin, The Angel Forever!

A = Age: 33
B = Bed size: Queen
C = Chores you hate: Vacuuming, I just hate the sound!
D = Dessert you love: Pie, any type of fruit is great, but cherry, apple, blueberry, strawberry-rhubarb, and gooseberry are my favorites.
E = Essential start your day item: caffeine in coffee or diet coke form.
F = Favorite actor(s): Don Cheadle, Morgan Freeman, and John Barrowman.
G = Gold or Silver: Yellow gold
H = Height: 5′1”
I = Instruments you play: I think the question should actually be, what didn’t I play?
Piano
Flute
French horn
Trumpet
Saxophone
Suxaphone
Tuba
Guitar
Violin
J= Job title: Senior Rep…it’s a glorified Customer Service title.
K= Kids: Just my husband.
L = Living arrangements: House
M = My name is: Honey
N = Nicknames: Megastein and Vidby
O = Overnight hospital stay: I was born premature and hung out in an incubator for awhile.
P= Pets: None
Q = Favorite quote: "Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be
achieved by understanding." - Albert Einstein
R = Right or left handed: Right handed
S = Siblings: One sister, one brother, and 4 guys who are brothers of the heart.
T = Time you woke up today: 8AM
U = Unique about you: I like going to movies alone, but rarely get to do it.
V = Vegetable you hate: raw tomatos
W = Worst habit: procrasination
X = X-Rays you’ve had : wrist, ankle, knee, back, teeth, head, shoulders
Y = Yummy food you make: matzo ball soup
Z = Zodiac Sign: Libra

They found who did it!!!!

2008-07-15T20:51:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine who sat in front of me during Algebra 3&4 in High School was murdered in 1995. I have often thought of her beauty, kindness, strength, and terrific sense of humor and how it was cut short by some horrible person. In the past I have contacted my hometown police department to find out whether an arrest had been made in the case. Unfortunately each time I called I would find that no progress had been made in the case or that the person I spoke with could not release information to me because I am not a family member. Periodically I would search the internet using her name to see if anything could be gleaned from the information superhighway. Over the intervening years I sort of gave up on ever seeing a resolution in the case. Thankfully, tonight I tried searching her name again and the above article was what I found. Hallelujah, they caught the damn bastard who snuffed out the life of a loving mother, sweet and loyal friend, and just a wonderful human being. Thanks to the police department for never giving up!

Stories, stories, stories

2007-10-23T07:32:00.000-07:00

I yearn for stories, the thirst to know to people to understand what motivates them, how they lived their lives, what they felt their purpose here was. Mostly, I want to know my family members, my grandparents, yet they are all dead, they mostly live on only in pictures and brief snippets revealed from older relatives. To have known them as a child with memories already quickly faded, leaves aching holes of sadness and regret. If only I had understood then what I know now, we all die, the legacies we leave behind are for those who love us and those we love. I look forward to being reunited in heaven, but for now, I seek stories.

I have been reading two books about WWII, in a bid to feel closer to my paternal grandparents who both immigrated to America from Germany. They were brave, moving to a country where they did not know the language, coming here with brother and sisters instead of parents who choose not to leave the old country. My dream is to someday travel to Germany and see the places they once called home. I often wonder if my ancestors are proud of me, if this seemingly easy life in comparison to the world they grew up in. Whole countries do not thirst to exterminate me because of my religion, I know no other language then my mother tongue, and have food and shelter without hardship. My parents have not been carted to the death camps for slaughter. And yet, that which they sacrificed so much for, their religion, I do not practice with fervor. For the most part, I am assimilated, my Judaism is my heritage, more culturally a part of me then a daily devotional religious practice.

My maternal lineage is all but a mystery to me. I know that my Nana and Papa's parents came from the Ukraine, but little more then that. It should be enough to know that they were good people, hard working ambitious and generous. My Papa was a tall man with a booming voice who called me "Missy" and held me on his shoulders high in the air. Nana would paint my nails and tell me that my hands looked like hers, a fact I hold close to my heart. Memories of them are growing ephemeral, every year a little more misty and obscure. I miss them all, and feel adrift in the large world without concrete stories of them to keep on paper, to know they won't fail when my own ability to remember has already begun to fade.

Work

2007-10-03T19:21:00.000-07:00

Walking down to my car tonight, I felt astonished, had another day already passed me by? It went so quickly with no feelings of satisfaction, pride, or redemption. I know that there are people out there making a difference, actually devoting their time to bettering the world we live in and yet here I am, just earning a paycheck. What happened to the idea of a career instead of a job? Am I merely a cog in the wheel of the large machine that is the entertainment industry. I'm certainly not the first person to feel that they're just marking time until the weekend.

So, if I am a solution oriented individual (like my resume claims), what can be done? Where to go from here? Guess it might be time to take some classes, figure out what I'm truly good at and maybe even enjoy what I'm doing.

When it comes to career aspirations, I have hundreds, and I mean that sincerely. Since I like writing stories, I often place myself in heroic jobs, jobs that strike me as truly giving back to the community, you know, EMT, nurse, criminalist, forensic psychologist, sheriff's deputy, in all truth, I could never go back to the school for the amount of time and necessary to obtain a degree beyond the BA I already have.

That's when I get completely nuts and believe that I should be a chef. It sounds like a fun and creative profession, but the reality is that it is a crapload of workand repetitious as hell. A bookstore would be very cool, especially the discount.

What were you listening to when…?

2007-09-24T13:48:00.000-07:00

Come on Eileen by Dexy’s Midnight Runners when I crashed my car after a late night of filming when I was at USC School of Cinema-Television.

Nothing Compares 2 U by Sinead O’Connor came on as my first date with my High School boyfriend was ending, but instead of driving me home, we cruised around the neighborhood until the song was over.

Man, I feel like a Woman! By Shania Twain – I listened to this song non-stop to and from my first administrative job interview in the Entertainment Business (prior to that, I fancied myself a post production diva, but sadly, the solitude of editing was not for me). BTW, I ended up landing the job in April 1999 and worked for that company for 4 years going from assistant to manager.

I Want It That Way by Take That – Heard this one playing on the radio after I kicked my college boyfriend out of my house for wanting to go all the way when I wasn’t ready (okay, I thought G-d would kill me if I “did it”, my Mom was super good at the “You should be a virgin when you get married” thing).

Writing

2007-09-11T19:49:00.000-07:00

I have been more or less keeping a journal from the time I was in Junior High School. My favorite teacher, Mrs. C gave me a pretty flowered lined paper journal. I didn't really have a clear idea of whether I wanted a "Dear Diary" accounting of my adolescent trials and tribulations, but I did know that I wanted to record some of the things I was going through so I could gain perspective and maybe even a little distance from the chaos of life. It proved to be a calming practice, but leaves around the irritating evidence of one's foibles in acid-free black and white.

I'm not sure why in recent years I only seem to write when I am angry or depressed, for some reason it helps me get the negative emotions out of my head where they rattle around endlessly. Maybe it is the clarity or just the feeling of being justified in my upset even if it is only for an audience of one. I'd like to take a creative writing class, but seem to have every excuse in the book as to why I don't. Reading is my real passion, but I think I have something to say that other's would want to read...guess I need to stop procrastinating.

Anniversary

2007-07-18T20:36:00.000-07:00

Jedi and I just celebrated 3 years together. Hard to imagine not having him in my life. We've been in the new house almost 3 months now and are almost out of boxes. Hopefully once we have everything moderately organized then we can start on some of the real work, like trying to make this place look like it escaped the 1970s. I mean the glass wall tiles and wood paneling are a little much. I think the front room would look really great in a cappuccino-like color. Not very exciting I admit, but a hell of a lot better then the white, which looks pretty dinghy.

It still strikes me as unreal that we purchased a house. Still, I think we are both trying to turn it into a place that reflects our interests and personalities. Jedi has taken to having a pool like a duck takes to water. There are few days when he is at home that he doesn't find some small bit of time to jump in.

I really love that our place has fruit trees too. The plum tree is full of fruit just beginning to ripen from green to burgundy. I'm crossing my fingers that a large batch is all ready at the same time so I can make jam out of it.

40th Birthday Mooning!

2007-07-15T13:09:00.000-07:00

Our friend Blinky celebrated his 40th Birthday this past week and for his party he requested that everyone join him at Mugs Away Saloon in Laguna Niguel, CA for the 28th Annual Mooning of the Amtrak Trains!?!?! Well, folks I can honestly say that this is the one and only time I have ever mooned anything. Does that make me a prude or just another member of the common sense club? What can I say, it was a blast, somewhere between being like the Sturgis Bike Rally and like Spring Break at Lake Havasu. Diverse levels of the dregs of humanity and some of the nicest, friendliest, and weirdest people you will ever meet. We had a great time!

Happy Birthday Blinky, thanks for celebrating in a unique and fun way!

Time Flies....

2007-03-23T16:31:00.000-07:00

So…let’s see what’s new since 2007 started? Well, Jedi proposed to me on 2/2/07 in a hot air balloon over Temecula wine country and I said “yes, Yes, YES”! On 3/13 we went into escrow on a house in Tujunga that has a beautiful backyard with tons of rose bushes, fruit trees, and an awesome pool. Keep your fingers crossed that all goes well and we will be homeowners by mid-April.

I have basically abandoned my blog this past year which is ironic considering I wanted to make a New Year’s resolution to post at least 10 times per month. Oh well, sometimes the best thought out plans come to naught. But I am trying to be kind to myself and accept the limitations that 24 hour days impart. Work has been extremely busy since the New Year. It’s good to have the time filled and to feel good about all I am accomplishing for my customers, but at the same time it has added stress to each day…not so good.

Hopefully, this is the beginning of some new posts on the blog and a new commitment to myself and how interesting I think I am (LOL). Stay tuned!

Poem

2007-01-17T09:37:00.001-08:00

Ode to my job

I sit at the computer and stare into space
Wondering while I mark time in this place
Is this all there is? Is this really me?
A cog in a wheel? A bolt in a machine?

But alas, without me, where would you be?
You'd have nothing to watch, but a blank black TV
So I write POs and send out the tapes
Of Harry Potter and Professor Snape

Chained to my desk, a hardworking drone
To keep the public amused and make them feel not-so-alone
This is the druggery that frustrates me so,
But alas, I'll stop bitching and get on with the show.

Book Review: Facing the Wind: A True Story of Tragedy and Reconciliation by Julie Salamon, Sandra Burr

2007-01-04T16:55:00.000-08:00

Facing the Wind is about the murder of a family by their beloved and seemingly stable patriarch. In 1978 Bob Rowe killed his wife, two sons (one who was disabled) and adopted daughter with a baseball bat. He was found to be not-guilty by reason of insanity (some of the best parts of the book deal with the insanity defense and how his lawyers plot their case). This is an incredible true crime book written with the participation of many people who’s lives were touched by the tragedy, including the cooperation of the woman, Colleen, who eventually married Rowe years after he was released from the mental hospital. It is this massive scope that is both what recommends the piece as well as its downfall.

As a reader one is unsure what statement the authors are trying to make, you’re unable to be righteously angry at Rowe, since it is amply evident that he truly was suffering a debilitating mental illness, but at the same time you feel that his successful treatment and life after his family’s monstrous murders is unfair. The fact that he is able to recover, remarry, and have a daughter with his new wife fills you with questions about the lives he took. This book challenges it’s readers to see beyond simple categories of good and evil and confront the humanity within atrocities that is sometimes experienced by both the victim and the perpetrator. I whole-heartedly recommend this book to people interested in true-crime not for it’s sensationalism, but for the truths behind the headlines.

Personal Hero: Harry Bingham

2007-01-04T11:52:00.000-08:00

Another person, like Chiune Sugihara who listened to their heart instead of their government:

Hiram (or Harry) Bingham IV by Richard Haft (sent to me by my Great Aunt and Uncle)

Just a little more evidence of the behavior of the Roosevelt administration toward the Jews of Europe during WW2 ---

Sometime ago, then Secretary of State Colin Powell gave a posthumous award for"constructive dissent" to Hiram (or Harry) Bingham IV. For over fifty years, the State Department resisted any attempt to honor Bingham. For them, he was an insubordinate member of the US diplomatic service, a dangerous maverick who was eventually demoted. Now, after his death, he has been officially recognized as a hero. Bingham came from an illustrious family. His father (on whom the fictional character Indiana Jones was based) was the archeologist who unearthed the Inca City of Machu Picchu, Peru in 1911.

Harry entered the US diplomatic service and, in 1939, was posted to Marseilles , France as American vice-consul. The USA was then neutral and, not wishing to annoy Marshal Petain's puppet Vichy regime, President Roosevelt's government ordered its representatives in Marseilles not to grant visas to any Jews. Bingham found this policy immoral and, risking his career, did all in his power to undermine it. In defiance of his bosses in Washington, he granted over 2,500 USA visas to Jewish and other refugees, including the artists Marc Chagall and Max Ernst a family member of the writer, Thomas Mann.

He also sheltered Jews in his Marseilles home, and obtained forged identity papers to help Jews in their dangerous journeys across Europe. He worked with the French underground to smuggle Jews out of France into Franco's Spain or across the Mediterranean, and even contributed to their expenses out of his own pocket.

In 1941, Washington lost patience with him. He was sent to Argentina, where, later, he continued to annoy his superiors by reporting on the movements of Nazi war criminals. Eventually, he was forced out of the American diplomatic service completely.

Bingham died almost penniless in 1988. Little was known of his extraordinary activities until his son found some letters in his belongings after
his death. Many groups and organizations, including the United Nations and the State of Israel, have now honored him. ( His postage stamp will be out in
2006).

Merry and Happy and all that Holiday JOY!!!!

2006-12-29T11:59:00.000-08:00

I had a wonderful Hanukkah and a nice Christmas as well. We spent Christmas with Jedi’s family on the east coast. Since he parents are divorced we split our time between Virginia, where his dad and step-mom live and Maryland, where his mother, her boyfriend, and Jedi’s Nanny and Papa live. The weather was overcast, but not too cold which was a nice change from the snow I was dreading.

At his father’s place we got to see their pet rooster, Cluck. He was there during a past visit, but had yet to be adopted by Jedi’s dad and step-mom. Now he’s a full fledged member of the family, getting up early to eat a smorgasbord of insects that inhabit the large plot of land where he lives. When Cluck first arrived he was a mess, he looked to have been in a cock fight since he was missing most of his tail feathers and had scabs on his breast from multiple injuries. He looks much better now, his tail feathers are filling in and except for a few hot-spots on his wings his coat is nice and shiny.

Thankfully this year the weather was very mild for an east coast winter and I made do by removing my insulated liner from my ski jacket and just used the outer shell as a wind breaker. No crabs to pick this time either over upteen million glasses of Yuengling beer. Strangeley enough I think that after having jumbo sized blue crabs in Ocean City, MD this summer that I am spoiled by their shear size and sweet tastey meat and would have a difficult time settling for the mediums.

I got some great gifts from Jedi, my family, his family and some of my friends too, my two favorite gifts being boardgames, Scrabble Deluxe Edition and 80s Trivial Pursuit (VERY FUN). My sister sent me some beautiful earrings and I received one of a kind glass earring and necklace from my best friend, her husband, and their adorable little boy who I sometimes baby-sit for. I have a scandalous amount of gift cards for everything from Starbuck’s to Barnes and Noble (those won’t last long). I hope you, dear reader, also had a memorable holiday season filled with love, health, and happiness.

Book Review: Depraved by Harold Schechter

2006-12-28T10:53:00.000-08:00

In this tour de force book chronicling the devilish actions of turn of the century serial murderer and con-man H.H. Holmes we find out not only about his devious deeds, but the brilliant mind that was able to juggle so many scams before he was caught. Reading about Holmes reminds me a lot of the charming depravity of Ted Bundy. Both were selfish, self-serving psychopaths who are unable to empathize with their victims.

The earlier part of the book is far more fascinating then the end since it deals with Holmes’ crimes and his co-ordination of many wives and mistresses. He appears to have been an irresistibly attractive catch for any woman of the era. He had many properties including his architectural monstrosity called the Castle, he marketed his own natural remedies from his own pharmacy, and appeared to be a self-made man. The later part of the novel talks about when Holmes is finally brought to justice (after many murders and other conspiracies for personal gain). I admit that the courtroom drama in this section read rather dryly (the only exception being when Holmes tries to represent himself in court a la Bundy, very interesting).

This is my first reading of a book by Schechter, who is a prolific true crime writer. I also have his novel, Deranged, which tells the horrifying story of Albert Fish, a fiend of monstrous proportions. I’ll be reading that after finishing the 4th Dark Tower book by Stephen King, Wizard and Glass (these books just keep getting better and better-major kudos to Mr. King).

angry Angry ANGRY!!!!!

2006-12-27T16:15:00.000-08:00

I just scrapped up the right rear quarter panel and door of my car because some idiot was taking up my lane when I turned the corner in the below-ground parking garage at my work. If I hadn't cut the turn sharply he would have hit me head-on. I am thankful, of course, that no one was hurt, but ticked that the guy driving merely looked at me shrugging sheepishly before driving off while I had to put my car in park with the hazards on and get out to look at the damage. Oh, well, I just have to think G-d will address this little faux pas with him in the future.

It just makes me so mad because this was obviously a preventable incident. All it would have taken is someone driving slower and paying a bit of attention. I guess having this happen on top of someone vandalizing my car last year by carving the "F" word into the driver's side quarter panel in 8 inch high letters makes my car look terrible. On the bright side, the car is paid off and runs fairly well...so I guess the glass is half full...

Most of all I wish you Love

2006-12-27T12:23:00.000-08:00

My love for my boyfriend grows, day by day, month by month, and year by year.

Who taught me about love?

About the breadth and depth you can feel for someone else? About experiencing yourself through their reactions and interactions with you? About finding peace and solace in another, a brief respite from solitude, a friend to be depended on, a hand to hold.

It is my grandparents and parents I think of when I think of love. Both my mother’s parents and my father’s parents were married for many decades and seemed to have great respect and admiration for their partners. Having experienced the atrocities of WWII probably made them grateful to be able to spend time with loved ones, to be able to see them safe and alive in the United States. They were also incredibly brave for bringing children up during uncertain times. Having experienced two world wars is enough to make a person weary and frightened of the future. In a world where the holocaust destroyed millions, people were still showing their hope and belief in the human race. Having children is to me the most personal and concrete form of hope that a person can express. It is their way of contributing to a better future, their way of saying that through all of our actions, together we can make a difference.

Love is a difficult word to define. In the dictionary love the noun is defined 28 different ways. I’m not so sure I could do much better then that. Mostly what I have learned and tried to personify is the idea that love leaves room for errors, mistakes, imperfection, love is not about judging, but more about accepting, supporting and encouraging. I want my boyfriend to be the best person he can be, I also want to help him explore his thoughts and feels and find different interests and new goals to set and achieve. My love should have elements of patience (an uphill battle for me always), persistence, a humongous sense of humor, thoughtfulness, kindness, and compassion. I want to be my boyfriend’s best friend, I want to be his safe place to be vulnerable, I want to be the person he shares laughter and tears with. It’s a tall order being in love with someone. I am so grateful that I know what love can be.

Beatiful story that I wanted to share

2006-12-27T10:56:00.000-08:00

Christmas Story – courtesy of Mike and Scarlet (and also Dave Z)

SIMPLE WHITE ENVELOPE

It's just a small white envelope stuck among the
branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past 10 years or so.

It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas -- oh, not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it -- the overspending, the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma -- the gifts given in desperation because you couldn't think of anything else.

Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass
the usual shirts, sweaters, ties, and so forth. I reached for something special just for Mike. The inspiration came in an unusual way. Our son Kevin, who was 12 that year, was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended.

Shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against a team sponsored by an inner-city church.

These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings
seemed to be the only thing holding them together, presented a
sharp contrast to our boys in their spiffy blue and gold uniforms
and sparkling new wrestling shoes. As the match began, I was
alarmed to see that the other team was wrestling without headgear,
a kind of light helmet designed to protect a wrestler's ears. It was a luxury the ragtag team obviously could not afford.

Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight class. And
as each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered around in
his tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride that couldn't acknowledge defeat.

Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly, "I wish just one of
them could have won," he said. "They have a lot of potential, but
losing like this could take the heart right out of them." Mike
loved kids -- all kids - - and he knew them, having coached little league football, baseball, and lacrosse.

That's when the idea for his present came. That afternoon, I went
to a local sporting goods store and bought an assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the inner-city church.

On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree, the note inside telling Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and in succeeding years.

For each Christmas, I followed the tradition -- one year sending a
group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a hockey game, another
year a check to a pair of elderly brothers whose home had burned to
the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on. The envelope
became the highlight of our Christmas. It was always the last thing
opened on Christmas morning, and our children, ignoring their new
toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted
the envelope from the tree to reveal its contents.

As the children grew, the toys gave way to more practical presents,
but the envelope never lost its allure. The story doesn't end
there. You see, we lost Mike last year due to cancer. When
Christmas rolled around, I was still so wrapped in grief that I
barely got the tree up. But Christmas Eve found me placing an
envelope on the tree, and in the morning it was joined by three
more. Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others, had placed
an envelope on the tree for their dad. The tradition has grown and someday will expand even further with our grandchildren standing around the tree with wide-eyed anticipation watching as their fathers take down the envelope.

Mike's spirit, like the Christmas spirit, will always
be with us.

May we all remember those friends and loved ones who
are the givers and understand the true meaning of
Merry Christmas.

Happy Hanukkah to All!

2006-12-20T17:57:00.000-08:00

I have had a wonderful Hanukkah so far, we even had a night to celebrate with friends on Sunday. To be honest, Hanukkah is not my favorite holiday, I am much more interested in Passover and Thanksgiving (perhaps that has more to do with the family and food elements then the holidays themselves, but they have always been my two favorites). However, the fact that I have yet to make traditional latkes with sour cream and apple sauce makes it feel like Hanukkah has not really started.

I admit, I am a creature of habit and often equate celebrations with the menus I grew up with. Blintzes, roast chicken, and latkes for Hanukkah. Apricot chicken, honeyed carrots, matzo ball soup (homemade chicken broth), and brisket for Passover. Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and Dad’s delicious gravy for Thanksgiving.

Perhaps when we are on the East Coast later this weekend I will have the time to indulge in making latkes and blintzes, but I think one thing is for sure, there will be no lack of food during these holidays.

Exciting News

2006-12-08T15:37:00.000-08:00

My softball team from work won their second play-off game last night!

What a great feeling it was last night to see our group of guys and girl working together to make plays, hit well, and offer encouragement to eachother. I am just thrilled to have made it this far in the season, especially since I have never played softball before as an adult. In January I will continue playing as a fill-in for another league not associated with my work. I am imminently proud of myself for sticking with it and not giving up because I am not a very good player or giving into my depressive feelings so they prevent me from going to the games. It feels good to follow-thru on something, plus I think the tiny bit of exercise I am getting is helping with my “down” mood. Anyhow, just wanted to share.

Death

2006-12-08T11:08:00.000-08:00

A dear friend of mine is mourning today because it is the anniversary of a tragic death in her family. Our conversation this morning and a recent car accident that took the life of one of Jedi’s clients has sparked my own thoughts on death and the rituals and rites we incorporate into our lives to make the passing of our loved ones easier to bear.

Being sheltered from the early deaths of my mother’s parents, I was scared by the mystery of the funerals which I did not attend due to my age and the traveling involved. To this day I still regret not being surrounded by others to share my grief and most of all not being there for my parents and aunt and uncle to witness them pay their respects. It is something I think about almost weekly, funerals truly are for the living and they are an integral part in the grieving process. At turns I feel comforted by my own belief that in death we all come together in heaven and I will once again get to hold pets I cherished, speak with relatives who passed on, and have the time to sit back and review all of the blessings of my life. Other times I am frightened of the unknown in spite of my strong faith in G-d and heaven and feel full of questions about the afterlife that has no readily available answers.

Perhaps I am a fatalist, perhaps I developed my mostly peaceful feelings about death after seeing several high school friends choose to end their own lives. When a friend passed we would gather at a local eatery and talk at length about all the good things they contributed in our lives, we would bathe ourselves in the happy times and maybe not feel so helpless and sad. The anger was something I found myself holding onto though. I was angry at the person, angry at G-d, and angry at myself for not being able to do anything to change the outcome. At some point I realized the anger was ruining my love for the person who had passed. It was polluting my memories so I tried to see their death as being inevitable, as being a call from G-d to stop their pain and bring them home to heaven. Now when someone dies I believe it is inevitable, that no matter the cause of death it is G-d’s will and therefore I do not feel as angry and helpless as I used to. Whether it is natural causes, illness, accident, suicide, or homicide I have known people who died from all these categories, the truth is that people die. Death is integral to living and to live to our fullest we must acknowledge both sides of the coin, we must accept our mortality and let it be our guide to loving those around us with ferocity.

I hope to write another post soon addressing the Jewish rituals surrounding the dead and dying soon.

Star Sightings at Sushi

2006-12-07T12:45:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday night we celebrated my friend’s birthday at a sushi restaurant in Studio City that I have not been to in a very long time. I arrived at the restaurant ahead of the rest of the group. Upon entering I noticed that there was only one table occupied. I looked over and saw that it was occupied by none other then Maurice Benard who plays Sonny on General Hospital. Now, I don’t watch soap operas anymore, but GH used to be an obsession for me. My roommate in college got me hooked.

I admire Mr. Benard not for his acting ability (although he was fantastic as Desi Arnaz in the TV movie Lucy & Desi : Before the Laughter), it is his for his courage in admitting on an episode of Oprah that he suffers from bipolar disorder. Mental illness is still such a stigma in society that I was amazed to see such a high functioning actor who admits to having the disease. His bravery helped me come to grips with my own mental illness. I will be forever grateful to him for “coming out” as bipolar since it made me recognize that people with mood disorders can lead fulfilling and meaningful lives.

So, this sushi place is one happening joint because who should walk in next, but George Clooney, another personal hero of mine for his tireless advocacy to bring attention to the atrocities in Darfur. Strangely enough I also saw an episode of Oprah where Mr. Clooney spoke out about the Save Darfur rally that took place in Washington in April 2005 (hello, why has the U.S. still done nothing to help the people of Darfur caught between viscious warlords? I get so angry about this!). He is outspoken in his criticism of U.S. politicians, a trait I often find annoying in celebrities, but for some reason, probably since I agree strongly with what he is saying, I admire his eloquence and bravery in calling legislators to task for their actions. Be it Rumsfield and Bush for the Iraq war or the U.N. for not acting more rapidly to help the people of Darfur, Sudan, I find his candidness refreshing and heartening.

Our Troops: A Mental Health Crisis

2006-12-04T17:10:00.000-08:00

This morning I heard a very troubling report on NPR about mental health treatments for soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. Soldiers returning from overseas are suffering nightmares, increased anxiety, inability to cope with the stresses of returning to civilian life, and many other symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. When they then seek out medical attention to treat these symptoms there are long waiting lists and even if they get an appointment there is no guarantee that their commanding officers will allow them to attend. Commanding officers at Carson Military Base told their soldiers that when they are in training they must be persent at all times and cannot have the time off to see mental health professionals. Is this appalling to you as it is to me?

Even worse is that some commanding officers view men that have attendance problems or trouble following orders as malingerers instead of realizing that these are symptoms of suffering and emotional instability. They actually believe that the soldier is faking PTSD so that they will not be sent back to active duty in the Middle East. It is almost 2007 yet it seems to be more like the middle ages when we are seeing this sort of tragedy and rush to judgement against those who need mental health help most. The stigma fostered by the armed services (in my opinion based on reading many articles and speaking with friends and family in the military) puts us back in the stone ages. Soldiers who need help are seen as weak or disgraced, a dangerous and short-sighted assessment by untrained, insensitive commanders and peers.

I was at turns angered, frightened, and flabbergasted by the army’s lack of mental health treatment available for our soldiers who served in a war zone. These men have death and destruction burned into their retinas, screams echoing in their ears, they are dealing with the effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder on their own and I find that appalling.

This is a tragedy two-fold in that the person coming back from the serving in the middle east does not get adequate care so their families are left trying to cope with the anger and sadness that person has.

Suicide rates have risen in soldier populations both in the states and those still deployed. The link to depression, PTSD, and suicide are medically proven. Years from now we can expect to continue dealing with the fallout from inappropriate or inadequate mental health care for our troops. Until we start treating people who seek out mental health with the care and concern that their bravery warrant we will continue to see the consequences of the fear, aggression, sadness, and despair these men are feeling acted out via suicides, domestic abuse, and violence in our neighborhoods.

Book Review: The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression by Andrew Solomon (audiobook)

2006-12-01T17:45:00.000-08:00

This book is both a personal story of the author’s struggles with depression as well as a primer for people who are not familiar with the clinical aspects of the disease. It is chalk full of medical information that is first explained in terms that are not incredibley lay-reader friendly. Fortunately, Solomon is able to give examples from many walks of life that serve to illustrate the many difficult to understand and relate to emotions, actions, and physical symptoms that characterize depression. This is an extremely dense read, if I had read it instead of listening to the book on tape, I would have never finished it (perhaps a testament to my own loss of focus while experiencing depression).

Part of being vigilant about depression is being well informed and Solomon is very thorough in his overall view of depression, sharing not only the horrors he experienced during his own bouts, but also showing how depression is viewed in other cultures which serves to illuminate the continued stigma and undertreatment of it. The most heartwrenching chapter in his book focused on the Inuit or Eskimo people of Alaska and how they have the highest rate of suicides among any depressed population studied. It was eye-opening to learn how some cultures do not have the language to talk about their dark feelings, how it is considered inappropriate to bring your sadness and anger out in to the open to begin the healing process. You do not share these emotional and physical burdens with those around you because you should be stoic. I cried listening to the chapter on the undertreatment of depression in our homeless and drug addicted communities. How they are denied treatment since they are pre-judged as being failures due to their homelessness and drug abuse which are seen as problems and not the symptoms of mental illness.

I leave you with this quote from the text:

“There is a moment, if you slip or trip, before your hand shoots out to break your fall, when you feel the earth rushing up at you and you cannot help yourself, a passing, faction-of-a-second terror. I felt that way hour after hour. Being anxious at this extreme level is bizarre. You feel all the time that you want to do something, that there is some affect that is unavailable to you, that there's a physical need of impossible urgency and discomfort for which there is no relief, as though you were constantly vomiting from your stomach but had no mouth. With the depression, your vision narrows and begins to close down; it is like trying to watch TV through terrible static, where you can sort of see the picture but not really; where you cannot ever see people's faces, except almost if there is a close-up; where nothing has edges. The air seems thick and resistant, as though it were full of mushed-up bread. Becoming depressed is like going blind, the darkness at first gradual, then encompassing; it is like going deaf, hearing less and less until a terrible silence is all around you, until you cannot make any sound of your own to penetrate the quiet. It is like feeling your clothing slowly turning into wood on your body, a stiffness in the elbows and the knees progressing to a terrible weight and an isolating immobility that will atrophy you and in time destroy you."

As a side note, “The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, has won {him} fourteen national awards, including the 2001 National Book Award, and is being published in 22 languages. It was also a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize.“

T-Day Weekend Movies

2006-11-27T17:23:00.000-08:00

It is the week after Thanksgiving, what that means to most Americans is “leftovers”, what that means to us here at the Pork Loving Jewess blog is “movies”. I actually got off my butt and saw 2 movies this weekend and 1 last weekend, bringing my year total of watching movies at the theater to a whopping 8 films!!! A ton if you compare it to my parents seeing none, but not so many if you compare it to my fellow cinema school graduates who see movies every weekend and can also quote them ad nauseum.

My theater going experiences were nice this weekend, especially since I got to see Borat with my 20 year old nephew and see him laugh uproariously at Sacha Baron Cohen’s bumbling among Americans for 80 minutes. It was leaps and bounds better to watch this tongue-in-cheek over-the-line laughfest then all the hours I've invested in crappy movies made from crappy SNL skits that should have never made it onto the big screen (A Night at the Roxbury, Coneheads, Stuart Saves His Family, and It's Pat I'm talking about you!) .

I admit, I am biased since Sacha Baron Cohen is Jewish, I think I like him more then I would if say, a non-Jew were playing his role of bumbling Kazakhstan reporter. He puts himself in situations that are more then uncomfortable and yet his ability to stay in character makes him rather endearing and lovable, at least to me. Plus the fact that he exposes how much we, America, as a nation has not changed since we were segregated and women were “barefoot and pregnant” and anti-semitism was an everyday occurence instead of just being heard during one of Mel Gibson’s drunken rant. Many of the people featured in the film will look at the parts of themselves on display and not like what they see, will they change? No, actually they ended up suing Baron Cohen…ah, the American way!

Yesterday me and the boyfriend had a fabulous date to see Tenacious D: Pick of Destiny. It was basically pieces of old sketches, new songs, new and old characters, and a whole lot of very funny faces. Since I am a believer in “do what works”, I was pretty happy overall with the film. Jack Black and Kyle Gass who make up the Spinal Tap-like rock group Tenacious D have great chemistry. I am embarrassed to admit that I did not recognize Dave Grohl in the Satan makeup (although in the music video for Tribute I never had a problem…hmmm…old age?). The storyline of the movie isn’t at all complex, but the physical comedy and “inside” jokes are worth their weight in proverbial gold. A must see!

Book Review: Fahrenheit 451

2006-11-21T15:23:00.000-08:00

In belated honor of National Book Month in October I read Ray Bradbury’s classic banned novel Fahrenheit 451. My friend over at Bryan’s Book Blog would be horrified to know that this is the first Bradbury I have ever picked up. Of course, I feel rather sheepish since I know that Dandelion Wine is widely acclaimed and have yet to pick up a copy.

Well, let me assure you dear reader, I will be picking up a copy of Dandelion Wine as soon work is over and I can log into my Amazon account. The straightforward lean prose of Fahrenheit 451 serve to underscore the horrors of what their modern society has become, a place as bleak as the environs served up by Phillip K. Dick in Minority Report. The character of Guy struggles with monumental moral dilemmas and in the end runs smack into the futility that minorities suffer at the hands of the majority. His life becomes a waiting game, but finally, he is among like minded individuals who have accepted this way of life in a soceity ruled by fear.

What You Can Do to Help Someone Experiencing Depression

2006-11-20T11:46:00.000-08:00

Listen, listen, listen. Althought the depressed person may be reticent to share their feelings at first, if you are patient and continue to try and draw them out it can help alleviate the loneliness and solitude of the illness. Depression isolates people so speaking about it helps them carry the load of guilt, anger, numbness, and sadness. It can also lessen the shame and taboo nature of the disease. Being withdrawn or apathetic is a symptom of the depression that can be very annoying, it does not mean that the person does not love or care about you. Be willing and flexible enough to keep reminding the person experiencing the desolation of depression that you are there to talk when they are ready.

Many people think if you don’t talk about it, it will go away or they believe that the person suffering actually does not want to talk and they leave them alone. Ostensibly because they want to give the person space to deal by themselves, many depressives will tell you that sharing their emotions helps them clarify their thoughts and feelings. Getting them out in the open relieves the tremendous flood of meloncholy. You must try to listen actively and willingly without judgement. Also do not take what the depressed person is saying personally, you must be objective and realize the person is seeing the world through their affliction. You may want to repeat back what your friend, relative, or mate is saying so they know you “get” it.

Offer hope to the person by reminding them of their success over past episodes of the blues. Let them know that what they are feeling is real, but that it will pass and they will be capable of experiencing happiness again. Tell them of their worth in the world maybe share stories of how they have helped others. Note the positive aspects of their life without demeaning the fact that they are unable to focus on those. The person may need encouragement to get out of the house and do the things they once enjoyed.

Take an active roll in helping around the house, many everyday tasks can be overwhelming. Recruit other people to assist you during this time. A good support system can give you the opportunity to vent your frustration and anger at the depression. Remember it is a disease and that the person who has it is not acting like themselves, they are as annoyed, upset and inconvenienced as you are.

You may want to ask them how you can help, each person copes differently so it doesn’t hurt to find out from them what is the correct approach. If they deny all of your attempts at assistance do not give up, continue to offer with the chance that they might need you but are too ashamed to seek you out. Depression can feel like a burden and many people are reticent to rope others into the ugly morose melancoly that is afflicting them. They may have trouble expressing their needs and wants. Keep trying, keeping listening and talking, continue caring, offer unconditional love.

Acupuncture

2006-11-16T16:58:00.000-08:00

My first acupuncture treatment for my carpal tunnel was this morning. It was much more boring and mundane then I thought it would be. In fact only four needles were used per arm with two for each wrist and two in the forearm. The first needle hurt the most, well, it didn’t really hurt so much as activate the nerve running up the side of my thumb and make it tingly and aching, mimicking the carpal tunnel in a strange way. Before the doctor applied the needles he applied a Chinese herbal balm to the areas that would be treated. The balm was icy-hot and by the end of the half hour treatment I was so distracted by how cold my limbs were that the needles didn’t faze me a bit. Of course, dear reader, I am not a squeamish person around needles, I have always had a fascination with medicine and am no less interested when it is I that is the patient. Plus the needles were so thin and delicate that they bend at the slightest breeze, it was really neat to see that they had the strength to penetrate my skin, I admit, I doubted they would be able to since they were so dainty (a needle dainty? I know, you’d have to see it to believe it).

I’m going back in on Saturday and have yet to experience relief, but then again, like most things results take time.

The Pitfalls of Being “OK”

2006-11-15T17:00:00.000-08:00

I am what my doctor and therapist consider a “high functioning” person. There are many drawbacks to being able to get up in the morning, hold down a job, and have the freedom if not the energy to socialize fairly coherently. The trouble is that people take these actions in combination to conclude that I am rational and doing pretty good. I contribute to the problem by concealing my emotions and putting on a façade of being “OK” to protect the ones I love. I am a master of secrecy, I cry and rage in my car, call friends who are states away to express my woes and otherwise fool myself into believing that I am coping and functioning well.

Being so functional deludes me into complacency. I think because I am capable of taking showers in the morning, feeding the dog, answering e-mails, that things are on the up and up, but truthfully I am just maintaining. I am at the minimum level of my abilities. It is overwhelming to me to face cleaning my desk, setting up a writing schedule that I will adhere to, taking classes that will enrich my life like cooking, writing, knitting, sewing, and self-defense, tending to the dead garden in the backyard, caring for my indoor plants, cleaning up the closet, ordering photos online and putting them in frames and scrapbooks, these things are always on my mind and I condemn myself as a failed human being for putting them off indefinitely. So, there is a price for my continued illusion of stability, it is a tricky balancing act of taking care of myself just enough to appear alright, yet finding other secretive ways to manage the pain and isolation of the illness.

Denial is a wonderfully human trait, many people I know use it as a coping mechanism. Denial, in my mind, causes friends and family to be able to look at me and say, “Wow, she is doing so well” that they cannot imagine the pain, shame, anger, and sadness that I hide from all but the closest confidants. They ascribe my self-awareness as a prophylactic against the more ugly aspects of depression. In truth I am not a trustworthy reporter of my emotional state. Since depression can be burdensome, I want to protect everyone from it and bear the brunt since I am the one who feels defective. The stigma of mental illness in America is not as bad as it once was, but I would hate for someone to chalk any of my moods or behavior up to “being depressed” when they have no clue what it is like to walk in my shoes. It feels dangerous for me to tell people of my “problem”, I often am reticent to disclose this information since I have noticed that sometimes people view you as your symptoms instead of as a human being with a treatable disease.

I want to say that I manage the disease very well and for the most part I do, but sometimes I get so caught up in trying to be a part of everyday life that I forget to take the kind of care of myself that I should. Diet, exercise, and complying with my medication schedule play key rolls in balancing my moods. I get overconfident when I am doing good and can overdue the eating and underdue the exercise to a degree that has devastating effects. No, I am not a drama queen, this is a true disease that can consume lives and cripple individuals robbing them of safety inside their minds. It’s like an alien that takes up residence with no intentions of leaving, one who says nasty things about you and destroys the positives with it’s gloom and doom.

I'm an Aunt again!!!

2006-11-14T16:44:00.000-08:00

My brother and sister-in-law had a baby boy this afternoon around 3:30PM. He is 8lbs, 9oz. and healthy and beautiful, I cannot wait to meet him next week.

Childhood Memories

2006-11-14T12:09:00.000-08:00

So I have been drawing on things from my childhood that added brightness to my day and helped chase the blues away. Although I have depression that cannot be abated without chemical therapy I believe that trying not to feed into and working on distracting myself to focus on more positives in my life helps to make the depression more manageable and hopefully shorten the duration of my more down periods. Onto childhood memories of happier times and items that I remember best.

Gumby-Hey he’s a little green clab of clay (man, I love the word clab, not to mention his happy-go-lucky theme song), who could ask for anything more? I think what I love most about Gumby is his flexibility and the fact that he has lots of friends, but one close friend, Pokey who is always there for him.

The Warm Fuzzy Tale-I love this book and think everyone on the planet should read it. This is my favorite childhood book and tells the tale of warm fuzzies. What is a warm fuzzy you ask? It is something nice that someone else does for you. It can be small, like a compliment, or large, like someone helping you with your work, but a warm fuzzy is something done from the heart. Cold pricklies are the polar opposite of warm fuzzies, they make people cranky and sad when you give someone a cold prickly. This is a great book for teaching children the impact their words and actions have on others.

The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster-What a funny book, I can still remember sitting in 3rd grade laughing my head off at the adventures of one bored little boy, Milo who ends up on an adventure of mythic proportions. The double entendres in the book are perfect to entertain young adult readers and the skill with which Juster presents his odd cast of characters is nothing short of genius.

In The Year of the Boar and Jackie Robinson by Bette Bao Lord and Marc Simont-This book focuses on a young girl Bandit Wong who emigrates to the United States in 1947. Her trials and tribulations over assimilation into American Culture made me more aware and sensitive to my Grandparents and relatives who came to America from Germany. Her story is paralleled with the tremendous success of Brooklyn Dodger and national hero Jackie Robinson, a black man making a difference both on and off the field. I loved the multi-cultural subject of the book and felt such a kinship with two very different people with so much in common with me, feeling of alienation, wanting to be accepted, and acting in line with your moral and ethical beliefs. A great book!

Labyrinth the movie (of course)-This is my favorite movie, which you might know if you have read any of my previous posts. Jim Henson is a genius full of love and lessons for children of all ages. Plus David Bowie looks uber-hot as the Goblin King despite his pedophile tendencies towards Jennifer Connelly’s teenaged adventuress Sarah.

Star Blazers (AKA Space Battleship Yamato) and Battletech Anime Cartoons I often confuse the characters and storylines from both of these amazing anime series, but still remember them with a great deal of fondness since I loved the soap opera like stories and the three dimensional people portrayed in them. I felt like they were cartoons meant for grown-ups, but marketing to kids here in the U.S. I did find out via Wikipedia that the 5 feature movies created in Japan were meant for adults and that the original film Yamato beat out Star Wars at the Japanese Box Office (gotta love Wiki!). They removed a great deal of violence and sexual references to create the U.S. version so I think I might try and obtain the original Japanese versions of Star Blazers with subtitles if they exist.

Wish Bear from the Care Bears-I don’t know exactly how it came about, but my Mom and I (mostly her hard work and sewing expertise to see it through) wanted a sewing project and we found a Care Bear pattern of my favorite bear and made it in the early 80s. I still smile when I think of Wish Bear, I think he’s in my parents home still and I plan to grab him when I visit for Thanksgiving. His original job is to help make wishes come true, but he also reminds people to believe in their dreams.

Depression: The Guilt Chronicles (Do not read if you are currently feeling down, this is a very sad/angry blog entry)

2006-11-13T14:25:00.000-08:00

I am currently suffering from tremendous guilt, my mood is very down today with a lot of horrendously evil self-talk. Maybe if I share these things I am feeling guilty for, it will alleviate some of those sad/mad/bad feelings.

1. I am not living up to my potential, since I have not found a true career and merely work at a job with little or no movement towards any ambitions.
2. Not taking care of myself on a daily basis. I rarely wear makeup, do my hair, or buy and wear fashionable current clothing. I only put on jewelry for special occassions even though I like the way it looks on other people. I don’t get my hair colored and cut or my eyebrows waxed on a regular basis.
3. I fell off the weight watchers wagon this weekend and ate an amount of food that can only be called obscene.
4. I want to be perfect and feel if I can’t then I might as well stay in bed and give up. Totally ridiculous, yes I know.
5. Tired of making and then breaking plans to see friends because I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and in a mood that makes me feel disconnected and unable to truly listen and be happy and present in the moment with them.
6. Fed up with my own excuses and inability to commit to people, events, exercise, and diet.
7. Frustrated with the fact that positive feelings seem so fleeting and the negative ones take up residence for months.
8. Overall disappointment that I spend 40 hours a week at a job that has no redeeming value to society and mostly just feels like I am marking time until the weekend.
9. Sadness and guilt over my recent self-enforced isolation, it leaves many of my friends out in the cold, and robs my family of my support and attention. Makes me very angry with myself and leaves me with fences to mend when I am feeling partially functional.

Believe me, dear reader, when I say, thank you for listening. Thank you for taking the time to read this and assist me in healing. It really does help to get these feelings out of my system and hopefully out of my soul.

Finish the Sentence

2006-11-08T10:19:00.000-08:00

Cut and paste this into your blog (or whatever), make the answers your own..
1. I've come to realize that...
Happiness is a choice, not a goal.
2. I am listening to...
KCRW Music and NPR News
3. I talk...
Like I know everything, but I don’t.
4. I love...
Myself, my boyfriend, my family, and my wonderful friends.
5. My best friend(s)...
Are intelligent, beautiful, kind, generous, and self reflective people.
8. I hate it when people...
Don’t seek to learn about and understand themselves.
9. Love is...
Patient.
10. Marriage is....
A brilliant concept, yet sometimes flawed in the execution.
11. Somewhere, someone is...
In need, in trouble, in danger, I must speak out and be their voice.
12. I'll always...
Have hope that each day will be better then the last.
13. I have a secret crush on...
Sloths (the animal, not Sloth from Goonies) and Christopher Walken.
14. The last time I cried was...
This week when a colleague and I were talking about her Grandmother’s courage to help AWOL Italian soldiers during WWII.
15. My cell phone...
Is a piece of junk and should be hurled into oblivion since I never answer it anyway.
16. When I wake up in the morning....
I make sure I am still in one piece.
17. Before I go to sleep at night...
I like to read for a half hour (really I just fall asleep though).
18. Right now I am thinking about...
My boyfriend coming home from out of state for work.
19. Babies are...
Cute and smell good mostly, but they are a ton of work and responsibility.
20. I get on myspace...
Once a week, but I like my blog better.
21. Today I...
Am tired, but proud of myself for working out last night.
22. Tonight I will...
Sleep alone in the bed.
23. Tomorrow I will...
Play softball.
24. I really want...
To work on myself and improve inside and out.
25. The person who most likely to re-post this is...
Anyone who reads this blog.

Blogging: Expectations, Disappointment, and Self-discovery

2006-11-01T16:52:00.000-08:00

When I started my blog, I had grandiose ideas of how I would post a new, amazing story or adventure everyday. My hopes were to chronicle what I was eating, reading, listening to, and doing for the enjoyment of friends, family, and strangers alike. However, that is not exactly how it has turned out. Two years and over a hundred posts later I am coming to a more rational understanding of what my blog is to me and how I can best use it in my journey through life.

For my Bat Mitzvah my beloved English/Homeroom teacher bought me my very first journal (actually I might have had one before that, Little Twin Stars, I think, but that one never got used). This journal opened a whole new world to me and started me on an important process of self discovery that has spanned over 30 journals so far. At times in my life when I am feeling lost, stressed, wistful, or inappropriately angry with myself, I open these chronicles of my life to look at where I’ve been. They help me gain perspective and realize that the bumps on the road are merely that. I am a not only a survivor of many heartbreaks, disappointments, and unfair situations, I have thrived and realized many goals to fulfill and satisfy myself. I have made my own definition of success by learning to love myself and learning how to give and accept love. Happiness if the true measure of success for me.

I think that lately I have been taking advantage of the fact that few of my friends and family read my blog so I have slowly been turning it into an online diary. A safe place for me to air my petty grievances against society, spout my radically liberal political views, and try and encourage others to read, write, vote, volunteer, and find their own joys to lead lives that they feel proud of and happy with.

Often I teeter between abject despair and shiny idealism, no doubt a throwback to my High School days when any situation fraught with drama was entertaining fodder for the gossip mongers. (Sometimes I ask myself, if we, as a culture are addicted to the soap opera highs and lows that are so frequently in our headlines, but that is a topic which I will have to explore at a later date.) Seeing my previous entries in my journals helps me step back and see things with a more objective eye since I am no longer trapped in the raging storm of emotions since I have committed them to paper and am in no danger of “losing” them. Writing out an emotion provides catharsis and it sometimes feel like I am listening to myself. Giving myself the time and attention that I need to feel like I have been heard. Does that sound stupid?

So, this wasn’t exactly what I meant it to be, this blog is no great masterwork of entertainment. Instead it is a mish-mosh of personal musings meant to inspire, irritate, or amuse, but mostly it is just about and for me.

Patriotism is Voting

2006-10-27T14:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I faxed the registrar of voters here in California to do a change of address so I can vote close to my home here in the elections coming up on November 7th. Last election my information was still saying I lived at my previous address so I had to vote after work near my previous residence.

I would like to take the opportunity to remind my readers that people died and suffered horribly so that we, minorities (and by this I mean all people aside from white males) could have the privilege of having our voice heard by our government. Do not squander this important legacy with apathy and the attitude that “things won’t change”. Please, please, please go and vote. Even if you only are interested in big ticket elections like governor or secretary of state, fill out your ballot for those and don’t do the state measures. Or if you are really interested in educating yourself and voting your mind, get out there on the internet and look at a non-partisan website devoted to explaining the state and city elections in your area. I like the League of Women Voters site (not just for women by the way), their Vote 411 site is a non-partisan look at the elections state by state. You can even find out where your voting site is on Vote 411, so no excuses.

I’d like to challenge my readers to take a friend or loved one with them to vote. You exemplify your love of America and the freedoms of this country by voting, you honor yourself and those who came before you while making a better place for those who will come after you. I sincerely hope that people who read this will take to heart the importance of expressing their beliefs through voting. Let me be very clear, I could care less who you vote for, I am not trying to grandstand to further my political agenda (I’ll save that for other posts), but I will stress how very vital and integral voting is to the people of the United States of America. Unequivocally, everyone of voting age should take advantage of expressing their views on where this country should go through the election process.

Personal Hero: Walter Cronkite and his support of the DPA

2006-10-25T17:33:00.000-07:00

When I was a girl I was fond of sitting on the couch watching drug deals and people doing cocaine on Miami Vice, the series that epitomized 80s excess. I would sing, “Users are losers, and losers are users, so don’t use drugs, don’t use drugs”. The DARE(Drug Abuse Resistance Education) program educated me on avoiding people partaking illicit drugs and how to recognize the sites and smells associated with illegal substances. In my young mind, marijuana, cocaine, and heroin were the dirtiest, most foul depths a person could sink to. My perspective was black and white at the time and drugs were completely evil.

As I got older, I learned that many pharmaceuticals utilized the very drugs that on the street were considered anathema, so what was the difference? A prescription and name change could turn a heroine derivative into an acceptable, much needed pain reliever? I was beginning to learn that there were a lot of gray areas and that some illegal drugs had benefits to the medical establishment.

Because of their illegal nature, I was reticent to put my name on petitions for the government to legalize some illicit drugs for medical use (particularly marijuana since that is the one that appears to benefit glaucoma, cancer, and MS patients the most). Here’s where Walter “The Most Trusted Man in America” Cronkite comes in. He wrote what I would consider a fund raising letter on behalf of the Drug Policy Alliance. I was absolutely astonished by his whole-hearted condemnation of the War on Drugs. To have such a respected former journalist supporting an organization in such contradiction of the government’s policies was, in my mind, incredible.

He bravely observes that the War on Drugs is a failure, “Hundreds of billions of dollars have been spent on this effort-with no one held accountable for its failure”.

He tells us about those people unjustly hurt by this so-called war, people imprisoned for ludicrous terms when their mistakes were being in the wrong place at the wrong time. People who were poor and desperate who made the wrong decisions, but are now paying the price in prisons that are already overcrowded with addicts who need treatment not imprisonment.

The hypocrisy our government perpetrates on a daily basis to continue to deny the American people reasonable medical relief. Walter says, “The federal government has fought terminally ill patients whose doctors say medical marijuana could provide a modicum of relief from their suffering…as though a cancer patient who uses marijuana to relieve the wrenching nausea caused by chemotherapy is somehow a criminal who threatens the public”. When will we stop wasting time and money on condemnation instead of recognizing that some substances have legitimate and studied medical benefits?

Please support the Drug Policy Alliance, they are an active leader in “fighting for desperately needed on-the-ground reforms”. We need policies based on medical facts and humane treatment of those with addictions not arbitrary mandatory sentences for people. Thank you Mr. Cronkite for opening my eyes to this waste of money and resources. Thank you for advocating for those who’s voices are not being heard, the sick, the imprisoned, and I will gladly add my voice to yours.

Graduation

2006-10-25T10:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I attended a very important event, the graduation ceremony of Jedi’s Crossing the Digital Divide class. Jedi taught the class as a volunteer and was so proud of his students. The entire class is made up of recovering drug addicts who are committed to learning how to use computers to improve their life situations. The range in age is broad and the backgrounds diverse, but everyone was so proud and excited at their accomplishments they came together in this environment of hope to briefly enjoy their step to a better future. What most impressed me were the student speakers who shared their stories of struggle and battles with addiction. All of them had the courage to announce to the world that they were still works in progress and that each accomplishment was huge in light of their past. The beauty of seeing people learning to trust themselves again was evident throughout the evening.

Another aspect of the Graduation and the class itself was how thirsty the students were for knowledge and how thankful they were to their teachers. Everyone had kind words for the people who helped them along the way. My heart was full hearing people praise Jedi’s patience and helpfulness. Now I might be biased, but I know for a fact that my boyfriend is a brilliant teacher. He has patience that would put a saint to shame, he teaches in his professional life and was proud that his students from Cri-help and House of Uhuru who attended the Crossing the Digital Divide class were more willing to learn then some of his clients. What a beautiful experience to be a part of. How good it feels to see people work towards and achieve their goals.

To read some graduating student’s stories, please look here.

Empty Places Inside

2006-10-23T12:41:00.000-07:00

A malaise of sadness has been sneaking up behind me and overwhelming my emotions at rather inconvenient times this week.

I try and stuff the bleakness down into my gut with a myriad of delicious food stuffs that seem to sink into the bottomless pit of emptiness that is inside me. No reason or rationalization in my life for this horrible ache that accompanies the tears and irritated outbursts, but I was so hopeful these feelings were a thing of the past that I forgot to keep journaling to get them out or taking the time for a peaceful bath and cathartic weeping session to balance all the good feelings I was just starting to get.

I put a great deal of internal pressure on myself to be a kind, generous, loving, and supportive friend, a rational, passionate, and fair partner to my boyfriend, and a conscientious, hard-working, team player at work. These stresses sometimes have the complete opposite effect, I end up angry at myself for overcommitting when I am already feeling that I do not have the time to myself that I want or need. Putting myself aside, my exhaustion, my anger, my disappointments so I won’t cause other’s to be without. How arrogant of me, so self-important that I don’t believe my friends can carry on without me, that my partner is incapable of entertaining himself for an evening while I contemplate my belly button or simply meditate with no time limit and no interruptions. The skills I learned while in self defense class for setting limits and gauging my expectations of myself have been moldering in a corner while I work myself into a frenzy of perfection. Sad indeed.

My body pays the price with literal tears of frustration and loss. I have lost myself within the immense machine that I have allowed to become my life. My schedule runs roughshod over me until I am unable to enjoy myself. I dread each new event, because it is a commitment of time I need to rebuild my inner world. My core of peace and balance has deserted me. Is this a pity-party?

In some ways yes, it most certainly is, but my prayers are that it is a wake-up call to stop seeling myself short. To recognize that is does no one any good if I am so depleted that I cannot be happy for them or for myself. Enjoyment is hard to feel through the fog of embarrasment I feel over admitting this shortcoming. The inability to haul myself up by my bootstraps and “take it like a man”. I have forever been jealous of friends (mostly men) who are capable of compartmentalizing their feelings while I feel overtaken, highjacked if you will by my negativities. Perhaps I will find a way to take back my life, to have authentic smiles and concerns for other’s instead of this indulgent sadness. Maybe even today.

There are no "A"s in Life

2006-10-10T16:52:00.000-07:00

My parents raised me to believe I was a special one of a kind person with skills and talents unlike any person before me.

What a shock is was to me when after many auditions for plays and musicals I found that not only was I not especially good at acting, singing, and dancing, but I was not very good at hiding my disappointment and self-hatred at what I considered to be failure. I was often angry at the world for having tons of potential, but nothing to use it on.

Briefly, I had a respite from my inner struggle and disillusionment. While I was not leading lady material, at least not to my choir teachers, my dance teachers, or my drama teacher I found my place behind the scenes.

For ten years I immersed myself in all aspects of audio, from live sound reinforcement, to studio recordings, to dialog editing in Hollywood my passion and focus was sound. When I graduated from college a year into what some would call my “dream” career I suffered a horrible set-back when I realized that not only was there not enough work for someone editing as slowly and meticulously as I did, but there was also the reality that editing is a lonely and isolating job, not good for someone who suffers overwhelming depression.

So, after 9 years of having mildly technical jobs that neither take advantage of my knowledge nor my personality I am trying to find fulfillment elsewhere. I am coming to the belated conclusion that my place to shine may not ever be in the career field. That I might not make loads of cash or ever have people hanging on my every word like “The Donald”, I might just be a regular girl with very regular hopes and dreams. Being normal is becoming my goal, success can be measured in friends and days spent in happiness instead of anger or sadness. I am trying to look at and embrace the things I have instead of wallowing in “could-haves”, regrets, and “what ifs”. It’s healthier for me to stop using my energy and life force wondering why the world no longer revolves around me like it did when I was a child. I guess it’s called growing up and gaining perspective.

3 Babies and an Engagement

2006-10-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

Lots to be celebrated today! Congratulations to one and all!

Moolah, Dead Presidents, Green, Benjamins, Cashola....

2006-10-08T18:52:00.000-07:00

Money is such a dirty word in America. It's worse then talking about sex using four letter words or even discussing your political predilections in mixed company (elephants and donkeys of course). I'm not sure how or when money became such a volatile topic for me. From the making to the spending, to the saving, to the lending, to the borrowing, money-talk has always seemed taboo. Let's excavate this topic for a moment and think back to the very first time I realized that commerce and the exchange of cash being present in everyday life. WeÂll go back to a time over two decades ago when it was first explained to me that the wonderful gift I received, food I ate, car I rode around in, and even the clothes on my back were bought by my parents, cash, check, or credit?

As a little girl this meant fewer barbie dolls then my best friend, as a tween it meant no designer jeans (unless they could be found on sale at TJ Maxx) or knockoff brands from K-Mart. Things weren't tight, but my parents believed in being thrifty to a certain extent so that I was at the very least aware of the sacrifices that were made so our family could live comfortably.

Moving into adulthood I remeber vague conversations about the evil of credit and how it could ruin your entire life and bring eternal embarassment to your friends and family. Therefore I opted for a secured credit card (one that has a cash account to back up any purchases made) with a $500 limit. I managed it fairly well and had my first real credit card the year I graduated college. Boy, am I glad I waited.

Credit is such an odd thing. On one hand, you need to carry some debt (be it a car loan or student loan) to ensure that you have credit. On the other hand, you cannot be too over extended or you're considered a risk. It's complicated, as are stocks, bonds, 401Ks, loans, APR, and interest rates. Also, it is not something people bring up with family or friends regularly enough to feel comfortable.

Money has taken on an emphemeral quality in this age of debit cards, electronic checks, and online payment options. We never handle our money, feel it's soft papery fabric, handle the change as we pay, it is there, but rarely seen or used. I actually do not like carrying money since it is so easy to make purchases with my checkbook or cards. Laziness, I know, but also so simple to just spend ruthlessly without forethought for my purchases or recognition of the consequences to my already tight budget. How irresponsible of me. How do you feel about your money?

Classes Every High School Should Teach

2006-10-07T08:44:00.000-07:00

In my opinion there were not a whole lot of practical classes at my High School while I was there. Granted I was in a well respected public school with many intelligent students and inspiring teachers, but between my torturous math classes and my fun drama classes, there was a bunch of real world topic left entirely untouched. Today we are going to explore those skills I feel should have been included in my education.

1. Finance 101: From opening a checking account and savings account to balancing your checkbook and what overdraft means, I think the U.S. is sorely lacking where money is concerned.

2. Credit Cards and the meaning of APR: I did not get my first credit card until I graduated college and I have to admit it probably would have benefitted me well if I never decided to sign on the dotted line. Part of me thinks that credit cards are just evil. They increase your purchasing power and you end up spending more money on the interst rate on an item you really couldn't afford in the first place.

3. How to pay bills on time. Learning to pay attention to the bills piling up around you instead of having an out-of-sight-out-of-mind attitude. How do you think all those credit card APRs increased? Late payments my friends.

4. Why you need a job with benefits. Not only would this class teach all of the various aspects of health coverage, dental, vision, and 401Ks, but it would teach you how to navigate the complicated maze of representatives to get the answers you need. Basically it would be how to deal with customer service reps without screaming profanities.

5. Trouble shooting the squeaks, squels, and grinds your car makes with the added skill of learning how to change a tire right next to a busy freeway entrance.

6. How to write a resume and preparing for a job interview. This class would prepare students for their first jobs, from how to search the internet and want adds for jobs to how to create a resume. They would learn what to wear and how to act on a job interview as well.

So, there it is. Are there any classes you wish you'd had in school?

Depression: The past several months

2006-10-05T14:35:00.000-07:00

Relationships are no protection against depression, they do not cure the crushing despair and bleak hopelessness that besiege the seriously depressed. I used to think if I had the right friends, the best family, and the most wonderful boyfriend that I wouldn't feel this way, that I would be insulated from the terrible thoughts, utter aloneness, and cyclicle desperation that assault me in the grip of despair. Sometimes I think I'm actually getting a handle on it, feeling better, seeing the proverbial silver lining to the clouds. In fact there will be whole afternoons of light and laughter that crowd out the darkness, but I can wake up the next day to that voice in my head saying. "I told you so, I told you not to hope, not to wish for anything better".

Thankfully we, as a modern society, both have the tools to treat depression and the maturity to accept the elusiveness of the disease. I have been feeling better the past two weeks and expect the ascent to continue. It’s ironic to me that I can have a day where I am able to cook, clean, and even read without being too tired for these activities or getting caught up in repetitious negative thoughts and to me that is being hyper when to most people it is normality. I just reread the last sentence, and I have no idea if it makes sense to anyone other then me. Anyhow, if you have not experienced the crippling nature of depression, please be mindful when speaking to us who have. This is a serious illness and I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

Thank you to family and friends who have continued to reach out to me. Depression is so selfish that I am not always able to respond appropriately to those I hold dear.

Lego my Boyfriend!

2006-10-04T15:57:00.000-07:00

I am Lego widow. Jedi has been playing Lego Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy for 20+ hours now and he stares at the screen with such ferocious intensity that I’m beginning to wonder if he’s brainwashed. Seriously, yesterday he was playing and I was beginning to get jealous of how consumed he was by the game. Now this is not your ordinary video game or one of the hideous life warping online multi-player games, it is a fun, interactive videogame that uses several recognizable gaming platforms to both entertain and challenge the user. I, as well as the geeks at Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim suggest you check it out. Oh, and take your significant other on a date so she/he won’t feel left out…you could even go to Legoland!

If I were a rich man...

2006-09-22T17:56:00.000-07:00

Jedi and I recently attended a cross-dressing party.
Here's me as a Jewish Rabbi.

Time for another quiz made up by me:

2006-09-22T15:43:00.000-07:00

1. Most beneficial aspect of living with roommates: Someone else is there to empty the dishwasher when you don’t feel like it.

2. Worst thing about living with roommates: They see your dirty laundry (literal and figurative).

3. Most surprising old movie that I enjoyed watching: Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, this movie was truly frightening, what a star turn for aging diva Bette Davis to play the sadomasochistic Baby Jane. I was happily surpriised to find this movie thoroughly horrorifying yet incredibley believable. Campy yet captivating.

4. Most surprising old book that I enjoyed reading: Psycho by Robert Bloch. It is NOTHING like the movie!!! I blasted through this book in two days and was turning the pages so fast to devour this story who’s villian bore very little resembelance to the Norman Bates created by Anthony Perkins. Both the movie and the book are masterpieces, but I wish when Gus Van Zandt made the movie he would have considered being truer to Bloch’s deranged antagonist. The Norman Bates in the book was not only eerie, but so much more interesting psychologically then what was portrayed in the movie.

5. Something that annoys you about yourself: I cannot wear earring for a long period of time because something about having the weight on my ears makes me feel congestion and I usually get a headache too.

6. Ordinary people in your family that you admire: My Great Uncle, who served in the American Army (tank division, I think) during WWII shortly after imigrating to American because things were so bad for Jews in his homeland of Germany. Also, my sister and my cousin because they are both teachers and have incredible patience that I am in awe of.

7. Bad habit from childhood that you’ve carried to adulthood: licking and biting my lips (I apply lipstick/gloss habitually)

8. An aspect of your personality you are proud of: I am most proud of my ability to look at problems from a variety of viewpoints and try to understand where people are coming from. Plus I think I am more solution oriented then seeking to place blame when things go wrong.

9. Something you are surprised you haven’t done yet in your life: Take my scuba diving lessons. I received the gift certificate 2 years ago and still have not carved out enough time in my schedule to take the classes…I am horrible!

10. Something you are surprised you have already done in your life: Still living in Los Angeles, I thought after college I would move back to my hometown, but I’ve now been in the City of Angels for over a decadea and can’t really imagine living anywhere else anytime soon.

11. Favorite old cartoon: I was a HUGE fan of Heathcliff (I can still sing the entire theme song to the cartoon…and yes, I am very proud of it..lol).

12. Favorite boardgame: It used to be LIFE, but has recently changed to Scrabble. Even though I don’t play often, I love boardgames!

13. Secret special way you reward yourself when you have accomplished a goal: Well now, I can’t tell you because then it wouldn’t be a secret!

14. How do you make a difference in the world each day: I recycle cans and bottles at my workplace and give them to people near my home who are collecting recycling. I also try to walk to lunch or bring my lunch to work since my commute requires me to drive for an hour each way.

15. When was the last time you drank TANG: About ten years ago in college I drank TANG everyday, so I guess it’s been awhile.

Be Prepared!

2006-09-06T16:59:00.000-07:00

September is National Preparedness Month, in honor of this very important event my company is having an Emergency Preparedness Fair. They will be selling and raffling emergency kits for the home, car, and office and educating people about what essential items need to be kept at each location to ensure the occupant the highest rate of survival should a catastrophe hit. We should all learn a lesson from Katrina we need to be prepared for at least 3-5 days fending for ourselves should anything unforeseen happen (read terrorist attack, natural disaster, act of G-d, etc.). If you want to be a true goodie-goodie, then pack supplies for you, your family, and pets for 2 weeks. This means water, food, medications, pet carriers, change of clothing, and hard soled shoes for everyone, flashlights, and a battery operated radio.

As an individual I am being trained as an Emergency Warden at work. This training consists of renewing my CPR certificate, learning to use an AED, first aid and mass casualty triage, fire safety including learning to use a fire extinguisher, psychological first aid, action plans to use in the event of air crash, flood, fire, hazardous materials spill, blood born pathogens, and earthquakes. A lot of information no doubt, but I’m exciting about learning so much. Knowledge being power and all that, hopefully I will never have to use any of it, but at least the bare bones basics of caring for myself and others will be there if it should ever be necessary (just like my self-defense class…learn it, but hope never to need it).

One of the most important highlights of my first class this week was having an escape plan in the event of a fire. Fire in and of itself is not always the most threatening aspect, the smoke can kill so quickly that to be without an escape route can mean doom. Looks like something I need to bug my roommates about…won’t they be thrilled?

$64 Million Question: What is wrong with Policticians?

2006-08-23T11:12:00.000-07:00

Came across this little gem from the Associated Press today:

“President Bush has no qualms about raising campaign cash for Sen. George Allen (news, bio, voting record) despite the Republican's widely assailed quip in which he called a rival campaign worker of Indian descent a "macaca."

In recent days, Allen has faced a barrage of criticism since he used the word to describe Virginia native S.R. Sidarth, a 20-year-old University of Virginia senior who was video taping a campaign event for Allen's Democratic challenger Jim Webb.”

If some of you out there missed Senator Allen’s intelligent remark (meant sarcastically here) then I advise you to take a look here.

Do the American people need divisiveness? Or should I say any more divisiveness as a nation? Politicians loss sight of the people they are supposed to be representing. Whether you are a Republican, Democrat, Independent, or choose not to affiliate yourself due to the shame of our so-called multi-party system shouldn’t the main focus be the welfare of the American people as a whole? Shouldn’t the focus be on education, eliminating hunger and homelessness and finding peaceful solutions to conflict so our children don’t have to make the sacrifices that their fathers, mothers, grandfathers, and uncles have had to make? Yep, I am an idealist.

Why? Even with turmoil continuing in Israel, Iraq, and Darfur do I choose to be positive? I know I can make a difference. I know that together humanity can overcome poor environmental goals, dependence on oil and non-renewable resources, we can bring food to people in need both here and abroad, and put an end to this political stupidity that we have been stuck in for so long. Stop focusing on the bottom line, the almighty dollar, because what we are losing is beyond any price…our dignity, our self-respect, and our humanity.

Please help by signing this.

The education of Megastein

2006-08-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

So I bought a designer shirt a couple months ago at Ross for $5.99. The cotton was soft and worn feeling and the front was emblazoned with the brand name, “Von Dutch”. After wearing the shirt several times my roommate, The Brown One noticed it and expressed her shock and surprise that I would wear a “Von Dutch” item. Thinking she was referring to the fact that I rarely espouse name brands that are popular and/or expensive I asked, “Why wouldn’t I?” She revealed that Kenny Howard, the motorcycle mechanic whose heirs had begun the Von Dutch brand was a well known anti-semite.

I looked up Von Dutch on Wikipedia and found the following: “According to an article in the Orange County Weekly "He was quite a racist; didn’t like anybody. He had all the trappings of being a neo-Nazi. He could not tolerate black people," said Robert Williams, whose friendship with Dutch cooled over time, but never ended.” I also read a biography written by a friend of his for 38 years celebrates his artistic talent and non-conformist beliefs. No doubt he was a nice guy, I have friends whose parents are racist and homophobic and they are as nice as anyone you’d meet on the street, but that doesn’t mean I want to support their ignorant philosopies. Thanks for the enlightenment dear roommate.

Book Review: Shark Trouble by Peter Benchley (Audiobook)

2006-08-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

I live about a mile from the ocean, well within walking distance. It is something I take for granted, just a fact of my everday life, but Shark Trouble has changed my view of the vast blue that crashes against the coast. Not only has Shark Trouble changed my view on the sea, but it has affected the way I view the animals in it and the impact the oceans of the world have on the Earth and all the life on this teeny blue planet. For this author, the man responsible for birthing Jaws on an already frightened and ignorant public to become such an avid shark conversationalist and advocate of educating the public on the raping of our oceans is dramatic enough to write a book about.

When authors read their own books it creates an unforgettable performance, cohesion between the performer and the work that is not always there in other circumstances. Most memorable of all was hearing Stephen King read Bag of Bones with a perfectly brilliant Maine accent that made me laugh and sent chills up my spine all at once. Because they are the characters they create and because they know the reaction that they would like to elicit from the audience authors who record their books to tape embody the story and that’s what you heard during this audiobook. Benchley’s passion and love of the ocean were not only evident, but articulate. His humor, warmth, and wonder is in every chapter of this compelling, educational, and eminently readable non-fiction book. If I wanted to learn to scuba dive before reading Shark Trouble, I want to do it even more now that I know the otherworldly quality of our ocean’s inhabitants. Benchley tells of first hand accounts of encounters with a variety of shark species, rays, and whales that highlight the utter alienness of the sea. There are plenty of horror stories of real shark encounters contained in the text, but Benchley highlights that these attacks are often the result of natural shark behavior patterns and not the menacing, man-eating shark madness that overtook the media in the summer of 2001.

If you love the ocean, if you cherish it’s many residents and want to learn more then this is a perfect read.

Writing on Request

2006-08-16T18:03:00.000-07:00

Less then a year ago I sent out a request to family and friends to send me a piece of writing on whatever topic they choose. My goal was to find out more about my loved ones through their use of the written word. Well, I found out something about my family and friends since then, they seem to regard writing as a chore. Or maybe they are uncomfortable revealing information in a form that can be misinterpreted or limited in the sense that it shows only one of many aspects of themselves.

Or maybe they don’t have an affinity for the written word the way that I do. Several friends sent stories that they had created for other venues which were nice to receive since it gave me new insight into them and let me hear what their personal, stream of consciousness sounds like. One friend, Suki, who I have known since High School shared the following poem she had written shortly before the birth of her first child.

Tiny quarter-sized, doe-eyed flower bud
Floating weightless in a warm garden pond
New ears sense my heart close by, and my
Singing, singing of a seven-week old bond

From the moment I knew you were there
I loved you

Sweet angel blessing, I waited five years for my
Sunflower, iris bulb, maple tree baby, so deep
In my dreams, little wish-on-a-star bebe,
Morning and night, I sing and I weep

From the moment I knew you were there
I loved you

Little blossoming cloud in a bubble in the sky,
One day you'll be born, grow up, move away -
I will guide your sails 'til your own ship you steer
To far away worlds; your own dreams lead the way.

You will find your own twin soul, endless stars love -
You will grow your own peace to which you will belong -
I won't be there to rock you, to kiss you, to sing,
But miracle baby, remember my song

The moment I knew you were there,
I loved you.

It’s true that when it comes to Birthday gifts I usually like homemade better then store bought. For past celebrations I have requested favorite recipes and homemade CDs that reflect the taste of the sender. I guess last year my expectation of people was a bit out of line with reality. Of course looking back on my request I feel like it was more a wish to bring people closer that was poorly expressed. Something to work on for this year.

Personal Hero: Billy Joel

2006-08-11T12:53:00.000-07:00

Billy Joel understands my pain. Not one song can cheer me up when I have the blues the way that Billy’s songs can. His appreciation of the human experience is evident in “This is the Time to Remember” and his awareness of the plight of others can be heard in “Allentown”(one of my personal favorites, I love the way the beginning of the song starts with the whistle and strong downbeat). His sense of humor is evident in “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant” and his spirituality glows in “River of Dreams”. If possible, in my lifetime I would like to see Billy Joel in concert (he was recently in LA and Blondie and Karaoke Queen saw him and said he was incredible) and maybe experience some of his tremendous energy up close and personal.

“You’re only Human (Second Wind)” could probably be my theme song. The music is whimsical, but the topic serious and there are more time then I can count where I have been at the end of my proverbial rope and something whispers in my ear,
” Sometimes you just want to lay down and die
That emotion can be so strong
But hold on
Till that old second wind comes along”
and I have to smile to myself because I know it’s true. Joel has been through much worse things then I have, he understands that you cannot be at your best 100% of the time and that part of being human is having the hope that things will get better. That just around the corner the clouds will lift, everything won’t be so horrible or so serious, and if you are patient, the bad times will pass. If you are ever feeling bad, having a day where you just can’t seem to accomplish what needs to be done, or having trouble finding your focus, or feeling stable put on this song and you won’t feel quite so alone. Heck put on most any Billy Joel song and just the music will put you in a better frame of mind, never mind the lyrics.

“I Go to Extremes” is a song that could be biographically about me. I'll leave it to you dear reader to seek out the song and figure out why I think it applies to me.

Post Secret

2006-08-09T14:41:00.000-07:00

The post secret site interests me so much. There is something so freeing and appealing about writing down your most intimate thoughts and having them broadcast to thousands via the internet. Many people who send in secrets are people I can see aspects of my own secret life in. They share thoughts of loneliness, love, anger, alienation, joy, and most important, at least to me, hope. The people who write these postcards are courageous; they are sending a small part of themselves out into the universe to let others know they are not alone.

The secrets I would share might include the following:

“I accidentally scrapped my bumper yesterday and am too ashamed to tell anyone.”
“I put a candy bar in my pocket while carrying a bunch of other items at the grocery store and accidentally left the store without paying for it. This was 8 years ago and I still feel guilty.”
“Sometimes I don’t let people merge in front of me if they don’t use their blinker. Sometimes I don’t use mine and get angry when people won’t let me in.”
“I have a crush on the Vlasic Pickle spokesman, he’s an animated stork.”
“When I get migraine headaches, I secretly suspect death would be less painful.”
“My first boyfriend left me because I wouldn’t have sex with him. He ended up sleeping with a girl I thought was my good friend. I prayed every night that she would get pregnant and they would have to get married.”
“I am no longer friends with my childhood best friend and I don’t really understand why. It’s still a source of sadness, regret, and strangely, relief.”

What secrets would you send out for the world to see?

A Touch of Melancholia

2006-08-03T15:59:00.000-07:00

Since returning from our trip to East Coast I have been suffering a visit from my old friend negativity. I am upset about the state of the world, the fighting in Israel, continued death and destruction in Iraq, stupid anti-semetic drunk actors, and starving and homeless in my own neighborhood. My feelings about myself are also rather bleak. I’m back on Weight Watchers trying to lose the weight that took almost a year to lose the first time…again. My migraines were back last week with a vengeance and an entire day was wasted in sleep (my favorite pastime, yes, but I prefer to choose when).

On the upside I have been dieting and getting some exercise (which is better then the none that I had been doing). I have also been catching up on some books I have been meaning to read for awhile (life is short, books are abundant! I hope they have libraries in heaven). Overall the state of my mind is one of feeling a lingering sadness over my own powerlessness to make the world a better place on a large scale. Realistically, there is a lot I am already doing, but with the recent crisis it doesn’t feel very effective. I am an armchair activist and this is a source of frustration for me because I become absolutely paralyzed when I think about all the things I could and should be doing for future generations.

I have not felt like writing lately because everything that is typed onto my screen strikes me as being so insignificant to the news from Darfur, Israel, and Iraq. So, dear reader, please be patient with me and I will turn this attitude around and get in a better state of mind to entertain and enlighten you.

Silly Quiz

2006-07-26T11:34:00.000-07:00

1. FIRST, MIDDLE AND LAST NAME : MEGASTEIN (kinda like Cher, Madonna, or BONO)

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My two great, great Aunts who may have died in the holocaust.

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? On Friday morning after seeing my boyfriend's grandparents. I have no living grandparents and love his as if they were my own.

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Nope, it looks like I should be a doctor, I want to take a penmanship class before I have children.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? HAM, PORK, or BACON, anything pig related.

6. KIDS? Someday, be they biological, adopted, or foster, I don't care.

7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Heck I am friends with myself right now (I have great conversations with me when no one else is around).

8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Yes, many, filled with evil, delicious secrets, heartbreaks, teenage gossip and nonsense. Maybe someday I will publish them.

9. DO YOU ! USE SARCASM A LOT? Who? Me?? Never!

10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS Yep.

11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE? Not unless I was paid or threatened.

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Frosted mini-wheats are my achilles heel.

13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Rarely.

14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Emotionally I am resilient, physically, I am lazy, but a work in progress.

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Butter pecan or the peppermint stick ice cream sold at a place in my hometown.

16. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? If they make good, solid eye contact.

17. RED OR PINK? Red, but only because it looks so good on my honey.

18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I have difficulty following through on things for myself and am often a very mean critic to myself.

19. ANY BROTHERS OR SISTERS? One biological bro, one adopted sister, and four guys that I consider bros since they lived with us when I was a kid.

20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Why not?

21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? No pants (tee-hee, I'm wearing a skirt you dirty reader! Shame on you for thinking otherwise) and silver heels.

22. THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Strawberry Smoothie from Weight Watchers (only 1 pt).

23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Sound of typing in the cubes next to me.

24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Burnt Sienna definitely!

25. FAVORITE SMELLS? Coffee, fresh lemons, roasted turkey, baking peach pie, gardenias, and my boyfriends neck.

26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My sister.

27. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Duh!!! Of course!

28. FAVORITE DRINK? Water(sparkling & flat), Diet Coke with lemon, green tea, good Brazilian coffee.

29. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? World's Strongest Man Competition (I am NOT joking...I once considered naming my first born son Magnus)

30. HAIR COLOR? Brown.

31. EYE COLOR? Blue-grey.

32. Do YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope

33. FAVORITE FOOD? Soup (I love boullian), pickles, beets, and cabbage.

34. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Happy ending.

35. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED IN THEATER? Click, it was terrible, don't waste your money or time.

36. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING pink sweater set

37. SUMMER OR WINTER? Neither, I am fan of Fall and Spring.

38. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses, I love kisses!!!

39. FAVORITE DESSERT? Any type of fruit pie with vanilla bean ice cream.

40. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I guess it's me!

41. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Not a clue.

42. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? The Myth of You and Me by Leah Stewart (very good book about women friendships)

43. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? It was provided by my work.

44. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST ON TV LAST NIGHT? Deadwood, 2 episodes, great acting and writing!

45. FAVORITE SOUNDS My boyfriend's even breathing when he's sleeping. The sounds of ocean waves and wind.

46. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Stones! Cause you can't always get what you want....

47. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? England

48. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I love to read and write, not sure if those qualify as being special.

49. WHEN WERE YOU BORN? Late Sept, I am a Libra...I balance.

50. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Northern California.

An Important Article sent to me from my Great Aunt and Uncle

2006-07-25T09:06:00.000-07:00

The below article does not reflect the thoughts or feelings of this blogger. However it is an interesting piece and very thought provoking.

Subject: Spanish newspaper article on Judaism. No words minced here - something to think about.
Spanish newspaper article on Judaism (In English)]

" ALL EUROPEAN LIFE DIED IN AUSCHWITZ"
By Sebastian Vilar Rodrigez(*)

I walked down the street in Barcelona, and suddenly discovered a terrible truth - Europe died in Auschwitz. We killed six million Jews and replaced them with 20 million Muslims. In Auschwitz we burned a culture, thought, creativity, talent. We destroyed the chosen people, truly chosen, because they produced great and wonderful people who changed the world.

The contribution of this people is felt in all areas of life: science, art international trade, and above all, as the conscience of the world. These are the people we burned. And under the pretense of tolerance, and because we wanted to prove to ourselves that we were cured of the disease of acism, we opened our gates to 20 million Muslims, who brought us stupidity and ignorance, religious extremism and lack of tolerance, crime and poverty due to
an unwillingness to work and support their families with pride.

They have turned our beautiful Spanish cities into the third world, drowning in filth and crime. Shut up in the apartments they receive free from the
government, they plan the murder and destruction of their naive hosts. And thus, in our misery, we have exchanged culture for fanatical hatred, creative skill for destructive skill, intelligence for backwardness and superstition. We have exchanged the pursuit of peace of the Jews of Europe and their talent for hoping for a better future for their children, their determined clinging to life because life is holy, for those who pursue death, for people consumed by the desire for death for themselves and others, for our children and theirs.

What a terrible mistake was made by miserable Europe.
**********! ******** *****************
*This is a translation of an article from a Spanish
newspaper.

Random Act of Kindness

2006-07-12T19:16:00.000-07:00

At Savon Drugs just now while I was picking up a prescription I saw a women exemplify the type of consideration for another that I hope someday to personify. A elderly man in front of us was standing at the counter of the pharmacy, I was standing in line with one lady behind me when a tall chick flounced around the aisle corner in her wooden heeled shoes. The sound they made was ridiculous. So much more annoying then the "twack-twack-twack" of flip-flops. I live in a crunchy-granola enclave in L.A., so this sort of attire is wholey expected and frequently seen.

"BANG"

When I heard the noise I immediately looked at the girl in the wood clodhoppers, but both of her feet were firmly planted on the ground. Turning behind me, the lady at my back shrugged her shoulders, but as I turned forward she left her place behind me and walked to the man at the counter.

Suspicious, paranoid, mean-spirited me, thought, "that woman is going to cut in front of me. she is going to get the pharmacists attention and chat her ear off while I rot here in line".

Boy, was I wrong.

Once she reached the counter, to my surprise the woman knelt down and picked up the elderly man's cane. Handing it back to him she smiled and then returned her position in line. Wow, what a wonderful surprise.

As a post script of this blog entry I note that when I concluded my transaction and was readying to leave, the women now at the front of the line asked if I had seen the elderly mans tattooed arm. I shook my head up and down and smiled. "He was a survivor".

Book Review Blitz

2006-07-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

The Contest by Matthew Reilly

Another fast paced brilliantly energetic read from one of my favorite action-adventure writers. This time, to my delight he has ventured into a decidedly sci-fi realm. Pitting an ordinary man against monsters from other parts of the galaxy in a hair raising well written fast paced thriller.

All He Ever Wanted by Anita Shreve (Audiobook)

I have been an Anita Shreve fan for several years now, but this time she has truly outdone herself. The reality of the world she creates in All He Ever Wanted is breathtaking. The story is very simple, it is a story of unrequited love and whether getting what you want will bring you the happiness and sort of life you want for yourself.

Lost Boy, Lost Girl by Peter Straub (Audiobook)

I have not picked up a Peter Straub book since attempting to read Ghost Story in my first year of college more then a decade ago. Personally, I couldn’t get past page 35, I was, admittedly, bored to tears. So, when I saw Lost Boy, Lost Girl at the library I was reticent to pick it up, but upon reflection it was an intriguing read, a haunting ghost story with lots of lose ends. I doubt I will be trying this author again, but never say never.

Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane (Audiobook)

This book made me angry. Dennis Lehane’s portrayal of psychological disorder and twisted attempts of a misled psychiatrist to cure his disassociated patient was difficult to swallow. The author of Mystic River is a talented writer, but the plot line and his characters required a suspension of disbelief from me that I found irritating and unnecesary.

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro

I must exclaim, "What a beautifully composed novel" when I think of Kazuo Ishiguro's Never Let Me Go. When I say composed rather then written I mean that the reveling of this books central character's place in the world and the very world itself and it's differences from our world are slyly and slowly exposed. I am reticent to review this novel since I feel that review would contain spoilers intentionally or otherwise. Sorry kids, you'll just have to check this one out yourself.

Lists of 5

2006-07-05T19:42:00.000-07:00

5 Places I would like to go in my life:

1. Israel, I think being a spiritual person that this locale is rather self explanatory.

2. The Amazon (be it in Peru or Brazil, I’m not picky), the plants and animals in this area are unique and valuable to the ecology of the Earth. I would like to see a sloth and be in a rain forest. I wouldn’t mind seeing a giant python either as long as it doesn’t sneak up on me.

3. Kenya, Africa holds a tremendous appeal for me. A friend of mine from college (who weirdly enough I ran into at The Improv 2 weeks ago) did a semester in Kenya and came back with wondrous tails of giving, positive people who look at life very differently then what I am used to.

4. Germany, Poland, Austria, and the Ukraine- I would like to see the concentration camps where people had the means and opportunity to commit heinous crimes against fellow human beings. I want to see what my Grandparents left behind in Germany and the Ukraine to come to another country and start again.

5. Thailand-A dear friend is from Thailand and owns a restaurant near our place in Los Angeles. She speaks of her birth country with such love and reverence it has impressed upon my mind the beauty and wonder of Thailand. The people, the food, the foliage, and the culture would be a great experience.

5 Things I would like to be able to do at least once:

1. Scuba dive

2. Do a 100 mile charity ride

3. Learn another language fluently

4. Learn to operate a sailboat

5. Campaign for a winning presidential candidate

Me-made Quiz

2006-06-29T16:22:00.000-07:00

So, I’m going to do a little quiz now, but this one is made up by me (feel free to share your own answers in the comments sections) therefore I will only be addressing information that I like and things I have not had the opportunity to let others know about me. Here goes nothing:

1. Most memorable scene in a TV show:
The watercooler roulette scene in Moonlighting between Viola and MacGilicuddy is my most memorable scene (unless you want to count every deliciously terrible episode of Misfits of Science staring the late Dean Martin Jr. and Courtney Cox WAY before her “Friends” days). If you remember this scene then you are truly blessed since it is one of the most hilarious and ridiculously conceived ideas to be broadcast at the time. Curtis Armstrong (Booger to Revenge of the Nerds fans) played the guy you loved to laugh at on Moonlighting, Herbert Viola. He was Miss Depesto’s night in tarnished armor and brought a lot of heart to the series.

2. What is the 80s song you like to sing in your car all alone?
This one is a toss up between “White Wedding” by Billy Idol (since I love imitating his sexy sneer) and Pat Benatar’s “We Belong” (I secretly believe when I am alone dramatically croning this melodic tune that I really could’ve been a rock star diva…please, if you know better do not disabuse me of this notion since on really bad days at work it pleases me).

3. Your idea of something funny that few others find funny?
There is something innately amusing about people standing around while their dogs are doing their business waiting to pick up the ahhhem…products of elimination. I used to walk my exes dog a lot and had no idea where to look while she was taking care of business. You shouldn’t stare right?

4. What is the one product that people would be surprised to find out you cannot live without?
Tom’s of Maine Apricot Tooth Paste for Dry Mouth, with my lichen planus this stuff is a G-dsend! I am also fond of the Mango-Orange, but it’s not as delicate in flavor.

5. If one movie summed up your perspective on society what would it be?
This one’s easy (of course since I make the questions why shouldn’t it be?), Labyrinth (yes, the children’s movie…yes, with Muppets and David Bowie…sigh, he’s so hot…) because one verbal motif of the movie is the situations Sarah the main character faces are “not fair”. She repeats this phrase several times throughout the movie and it is a common thought I have that the world is inherently unfair. And the world can be unfair in a variety of ways, be it what country you were born in (especially important if you are woman facing any number of countries where your rights are significantly less then a mans), if your parents are well off or if they are good parents, if you have experienced an accident or violent act, if you medically must face a variety of illnesses be they terminal or not, if you were blessed with a high IQ, fast metabolism, pretty face, etc. they all affect our perception of the world and whether it is fair or not. The one thing I always take away from the movie is that despite the fairness of life it is in our hands to choose our attitude and how we respond to the rough patches we encounter.

6. What is the one book you believe all adults should read?
Wow, I ask difficult questions don’t I? Well, this is hard one for me, but the one book I believe to contain beauty or word, elegance in character, and vital social commentary is John Irving’s The Cider House Rules. This book addresses the loneliness of being an orphan, the oblivion sought by those with tremendous responsibility, the desperation of seeking outlawed abortions, and the beauty and sadness of a love that cannot be fulfilled. It is simple effective narrative with heartfelt characters that make you laugh, cry, and experience their lives, their hopes, fears, dreams, and loves to a very realistic degree. I love this book.

7. A food that someone made that you wish you could experience again or even make yourself?
My German Grandmother’s apple cake, it was so moist and delicious with fresh apples, not too sweet cake, and a cinnamon scent that haunts my dreams.

8. Tell us about your first kiss?
My first kiss was playing spin the bottle at a Halloween party when I was 12 years old. I was dressed as Scarlett O’Hara and kissed a boy in my class who had really big front teeth. It was in front of all the popular kids from school and to this day I believe I was invited to this boys & girls party because my best friend was extremely well liked in the mainstream circles. Suffice to say that the kiss was not all that and a bag-o-chips, in fact I distinctly remember writing in my journal that night that our teeth clashed when we were leaning towards eachother over the bottle chipping my lower incisor and that he tasted like salsa…BLLLECCCHHHH!

9. Person you wanted to be most like when you were young (no parents allowed as answers)?
I definitely wanted to be Debbie Gibson. I was seriously gaga about her clothes, singing, and although I never liked Electric Youth perfume I admired her willingness to diversify.

10. Person you most want to be like as an adult?
This one’s easy, I want to be like me, but maybe with a little bit more energy, patience, and money (hey, I’m not going to lie, but I wouldn’t mind being able to donate 80% of my fortune to charity and still have enough money left over to buy an island and never work again).

The Blessing of Modern Medicine

2006-06-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

About 2 weeks ago Jedi had surgery to repair a multitude of problems with his left shoulder. I won’t bore you dear reader with the ins-n-outs and medical jargon associated with the problem, but I will tell you how incredibly thankful I am to the medical staff at the hospital where Jedi had his procedure. The doctors and nurses were kind, respectful, and patient in explaining every minute detail from pre-op to post-op. Jedi’s injury was not life-threatening, but it certainly put a damper on his ability to enjoy life. The pain he had because the joint had been pulled out of the socket on several occasions was not compatible with his busy lifestyle.

The surgeon was able to repair the devastated tendons, ligaments, and muscles all through 4 small incisions around Jedi’s shoulder. The procedure took 2 hours with a post surgery recovery time of about the same. Jedi was even able to enjoy food that very night following his afternoon in the OR. The anesthesiologist was most instrumental in putting my fears to rest. I have only been under a general anesthetic once in my life and have often been weary of having anything done where I would need to be “put under”. Dr. L (the aforementioned anesthesiologist) was able to explain that for surgeries like Jedi’s there is no need for a muscle relaxant like Versed to be given along with the sleepy medicine so there would be absolutely no chance of anesthesia awareness. Although I know there is an extremely low percentage of people who experience this troubling phenomenom, I was relieved to find out there was zero opportunity for it to happen here.

Now all that remains is for Jedi to do his daily physical therapy and get his arm stong enough to use without the support of the sling. It will be about two more weeks before he is able to do that. Yesterday he felt good enough to begin excercising on his bike again. I’m very proud of him for taking care of himself and his body.

Book Review: On Death and Dying by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (Audio Book)

2006-06-19T14:59:00.000-07:00

I picked up this book because of unresolved emotions I have concerning the deaths of several close loved ones. I was hoping it would alleviate some of the guilt and regret I feel over either not seeing them shortly before their deaths or not attending their funeral. Rationally, I know that there is nothing I can do to change my actions of the past. Sometimes I could not get away from work to see the dying person, or I felt I did not have the funds to travel to their funeral (this is untrue, since I know my parents would have helped me pay for any travel expenses, but alas, I did use this excuse I realize now to protect my own fragile self from the prospect of facing the frightening specter of my own mortality).

Kubler-Ross’s book focuses on the essential dialog between medical staff, terminal patients, and their family to make the process of dying a more acceptable and natural part of patient care. The ability to be open and honest about death allows the person dying to discuss their family’s future without them, get their finances and possessions in order and to also express their end of life care wishes, needs, and wants. Part of end of life care is whether to obtain a Do Not Resuscitate order (DNR). Two years ago when my last remaining grandparent, my paternal Grandmother, passed away, I assisted my brother, father, aunt, and uncle in cleaning out her small apartment at an assisted living facility, the DNR order was still posted on the wall in her room. It was a concrete reminder of my Grandmother’s participation in the choices faced by people who are on the road to dying. While it was shocking to see the DNR (I would’ve expected that it would be removed along with the various items related to my Grandmother’s passing, I was strangely comforted to see it so out in the open where no one could deny it or mistake it for anything but what it was.

If you are in the medical profession and have not read Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s On Death and Dying, I urge you to do so. The human component in healthcare can often be overlooked in the rush to “cure” the patient or to merely prolong life. The objective of the book is to excavate a patient’s needs and concerns regarding their deaths and to assist communicating those to family members and medical staff. This is a truly beautiful book and can be a good introduction for those faced with the numerous emotions brought up when a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness. I was comforted by Kubler-Ross’s many descriptions of people who were angry with their loved ones for dying; knowing now that my longstanding rage over a high school friend’s suicide was not only understandable, but also normal.

For years I have held onto the unreasonable and irrational guilt and shame over not being with an ex-boyfriend when his father died after a very short and intense battle against pancreatic cancer. The times we spent in the hospital were filled with a humanity and love that I cherished even when my relationship with the man’s son was crumbling. Mostly, I think what this book has helped me to do is honor and remember the people who have died that touched my life through their love, friendship, and generosity of spirit. Missing them no longer feels like a gaping hole inside. It is with peace and love that I can imagine my loved ones who have died and with a full heart I can celebrate their lives and not continue grieving their deaths.

A Movie for all Humanity

2006-06-18T09:07:00.000-07:00

Documentaries are mostly a difficult sell for modern cinemas, but the new tour de force An Inconvenient Truth starring former Vice President Al Gore should have no trouble finding an audience. Davis Guggenheim has taken Al Gore's presentation on global warming and given it a cinematic style that enables the viewer to connect with the former presidential candidate and experience his driving passion to remedy the many wrongs enacted against our environment. The Al Gore of this movie is thoughtful, impassioned, and provacative in his powerful explanation of Global Warming and it's impending consequences. If after seeing this movie you are not outraged, inspired, and deeply troubled then you didn't get the message. The bottom line is the time for action to save our planet is now. If we do not take advantage of the information provided in this film, as an entire global community, we are dooming all of humankind to extinction.

I am currently in the middle of On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and I was struck by how similar the denial was for some people diagnosed with terminal illnesses. The very same denial about the fact of Global Warming could make it too late for us to have any true impact on the problem that was set in motion by CFCs, fossil fuels, and other pollutants. Will our denial and the denials forced on us by our government who wants to see Global Warming as theory instead of fact be so great that it will doom the planet to another ice age?

One of the more troubling aspects of this film is that Gore has given his presentation on humanity's effects on the planet more then 1,000 times. My sense of disbelief at hearing this number and feeling as if I were seeing NO true changes at least here in America was a mixture of disbelief and anger. America is one of only coutries that is a large emitter of Greenhouse Gases, but has chosen not to ratify the Kyoto Protocol due to negative effects it may have on the economy. However, I am proud to note that several states have implement their own adherance to the Kyoto Protocol with the Regional Greenhouse Gas Initiative and are working to cleanup the environment with or without the Federal Government.

If you only see one movie this year, this is the one. For yourself, for your love of your children, and for our dependency and adoration of this planet, please do yourself a true service and seek to understand what is going on each and every day right under our noses. I assure you, it is an hour and 40 minutes that will change the way you look at the Earth.

Lucky to Live in this Day and Age!

2006-06-15T12:02:00.000-07:00

Went to a lovely Vow Renewel ceremony this weekend in Montecito (near Santa Barbara) with Jedi. I think what I liked about it best was that when you arrived at the venue, you had drinks and abundant h’ordeuves before the ceremony and then dinner afterwards. It was held at a the Mother of the Groom’s residence and the weather was cool and did not become too chilly until late evening. Guests were encouraged to bring their drinks along to the ceremony which added a festive quality. The woman who presided over the ceremony was the same one who had married the couple a year previously.

The personal component that I found most appealing was the favor given to guests. It was a homemade cookbook full of recipes contributed by friends and family. If you have been reading my blog for a while then you know that food and love are synonimous to me so they were sharing their love with these recipes. Nice touch.

In the past few years I have been in and to many weddings and was a bit burned out by them (please take this as no reflection on the friends or family who have married, I always have a wonderful time and do enjoy being able to be a part of people’s important day). However, I realize now that my expectations of weddings is rather colored by my childhood perception of Mom and Dad’s ceremony.

My parent’s wedding, what I have heard about it from my Mother was that it not all she had hoped. Many of the decisions that brides take for granted today were not afforded her. Aspects of her wedding that anyone would consider personal and important were dictated to her. Despite this, my Mom has always said that she didn’t care about all those things, she just wanted to marry my Father and if that was the price to pay, to let her Mother and Mother-in-Law run the show, so-be-it. Very heartfelt, very sweet, but also bittersweet in my child-eye’s estimation since to marry my Father, Mom had to sacrifice many of her little girl hopes to the practicality of being on good terms with relatives.

Marriage itself has changed so much from decade to decade and country to country. Marriages in America for the most part have to do with love and compatibility rather then money, land alliances, religion, or social status. I am most assuredly thankful to my Granparents who made the courageous journey from their homelands whether by choice or necessity to a new life, new language, and new land. On a daily basis I take for granted that I can choose my own mate, when the concept is relatively new-fangled in the grand scheme of history. If time travel becomes available in my lifetime I’m staying put.

Vexation Over Physical Traits

2006-06-14T17:01:00.000-07:00

Part of being an individual is coping with some of the things genetics just passes down to your by sheer chance from the fact that you are half of each your mother and father’s DNA.

Now sometimes this works out great, like a certain little Shiloh Pitt-Jolie will not be an ugly duckling where-as Billy Joel and Christy Brinkley’s daughter is a tad bit more challenged in the looks department. However, she has made herself quite appealing despite the conglomeration of her parents co-mingled attributes. There-fore there are no guarantees that when two people who love eachother produce progeny that said child will inherent any or all desirable socially attractive traits of either parent. That being said, I would like a word with my parents over two entirely uncontrollable aspects of my appearance; my hair and my fingernails. Both items I mention are curly. While one might love curly hair if they possess straight, let me assure you that those of us with curly would probably kill if it would magically transform our outrageously uncontrollable locks to something that can actually be brushed on a daily basis without creating the hideousnous that is frzz.

My hair, like many people’s, refuses to obey anything I do to it. This is not to say that it cannot, on occasion, look fabulous, but that is entirely up to how it has chosen to behave or not on any given day. I used to believe that most things in my life could be affected by my choices, but my hair is, ironically enough, completely on it’s own. It has decided to be abundant in number, yet fine, more like cotton candy in feel then the beautiful thick silk on Jedi’s head. Betrayed is how I felt when at the age of 9, G-d felt it was okay to just add curly, crazy hair on top of the crisis of early puberty. So, not only was I entering the mysterious world of maxi pads and bras, one that I not so thrilled about, the other I was a bit excited to wear, but I was also dealing with this Q-tip-like mop.

Jedi and I recently took a trip to Niagara Falls. We were already in Buffalo for my cousin’s wedding, so we figured we would skip over to see the natural wonder and beauty of Niagara…on the Canadian side, of course. I say, “of course” because the American side is desolate and not so tourist friendly. I’m unsure if that’s because you cannot get a good glimpse of the Falls from that side, or if it has to do with economic infastructure in Northern New York. Either way, it is a shame. Back to my hair…do you know what high humidity does to curly, fine, fly-away hair? Well, all I can say is it is NOT a good combination. I looked like I just finished sticking my finger in a light socket for the majority of the day. This was not at all good considering we dined in a rather nice restaurant that evening. It was with great relief that I glimpsed a woman at a nearby table who looked equally bedraggled.

My nails are a total failure in structure. You see, my nails curl over the ends of my fingers, but of course, just to be different, it is only the first and middle fingers that do this. My remaining 6 fingers have perfectly beautiful long, straight, and dare-I-say, even white nails that can only be grown out with their curly counterparts all askew right nextdoor. Why, you ask, do I not have acrilic nails installed on the offending digits? To put it succinctly, I am lazy. It is rare that I enjoy being away from home or work for body-beauty related maintainence (massages are NOT included in this category as I consider them luxury and well worth the travel). I deplore having to get my eyebrows waxed (despite loving the results) and am known to go weeks without taming the furry caterpillers. I don’t mind the pain, it’s the scheduling and going I mind. Once I am there or at a nail salon, I don’t mind the services, it’s the upkeep that is a killer.

Perhaps it is not a matter of finding fault with my inherited attributes, perhaps it is just finding more time in my day to actually tame them. And the want to do-so…but for now kvetching seems entirely satisfying.

Pet Peeve: Women's Bathrooms

2006-05-24T16:31:00.000-07:00

Did you know that a popular item in Asia (I cannot remember if it Japan or China, shame on me for the generalization) is toilet seats that play music to disguise the sounds of nature? I admit, I found the idea at once both absurd and also a great idea. If only there were neutralizing air fresheners that went off with the tune playing so all that unladylike business would be covered up like it doesn’t happen at all.

Men, you can step away for a moment, I want to speak to my female readers here.

Now, I don’t know about you, but what I have noticed is that women are often suspiciously quiet in bathroom stalls when others are in the bathroom. Obviously, we do not want to draw attention to the sounds and smells of the elimination process. Yet, I find it incredibly ironic, that these are the same strong, sensible women that take in hand (so-to-speak) changing dirty diapers, washing soiled underwear, and other rather dauntingly unclean tasks. Somehow, when it comes to public restrooms we get shy. Our bladders need assistance from the running taps or various other tricks that inspire us least we admit our humanity with the gas we pass.

The Hug Rule

2006-05-17T17:57:00.000-07:00

Growing up, we didn’t have a ton of rules to follow, at least I didn’t. Maybe that’s because I was the youngest and my parents had already been “broken in” by my older siblings or maybe it just wasn’t Mom and Dad’s parenting style. So besides rules about going to bed on time and not talking with strangers we had the Hug Rule. The Hug Rule stated that you had to have at least four hugs a day to be sure you had enough hugs to fall asleep happy and safe. At the end of the day Mom or Dad or on special occasions both of them (they were involved with various community services that had meetings on weeknights) would come in and tuck me into my bed and ask if I had enough hugs that day. If I had enough then I would get one extra from either parent and be snuggly tucked into bed. But, if I didn’t have my fair share of hugs for the day, my parents would sometimes whisk me out of bed and down the hall to hug my sister or brother or maybe the parent who wasn’t there or even one of the cats if they hadn’t gotten themselves left outside for the night. The Hug Rule was sacred for many years in my early childhood and it’s one that I would like to spread across the world. If there were more appropriate and caring physical contact between families I think it would go a long way to people feeling more valued, more secure, and definitely more cared for. Four hugs a day, is that really asking a lot?

Remembering: Aunt G

2006-05-04T16:18:00.000-07:00

Coming up later this month is the birthday of a women who is already dead. She was a sparkling light of energy, opinions, a strong taste for shopping, and an enormous love of cats, she was my Aunt G. Aunt G was not truly my aunt, at least not in the biological sense of the word, she was a friend of my mother’s who was a much loved part of the family. Because of her choice not to marry or have children, my siblings and I became a kind of surrogate for her. Albeit, we were 3,000 miles apart for the majority of our lives, we lived on the West Coast where my father had found a job and she lived on the East Coast in the same town my mother grew up in. She was something special and she took the time and trouble to make sure I knew she loved me and thought of me often.

Some may contest this ascertion, but I know it to be fact, I was Aunt G’s favorite. I think she always wanted a little girl and with my big gray eyes and curly hair, I imagine she was smitten with me. Of course, I also allow that I shared one of her biggest hobbies, as did my mother, shopping for jewelry. Aunt G could sniff out a deal on gorgeous Zuni fetish necklaces or find gold elephant earrings for a fraction of the wholesale’s price. It was marvelous to watch her in action because she just fell in love with the sparkle and shine of the jewels and her face and body would take on a glow with each new purchase.

Aunt G was a woman who did not understand the impact she made on the world (few of us know the important positions we hold in the lives of others). I was not very good at telling or showing her how much she contributed to my life and who I am today. When she died of cancer, my regret was immense that I never got to tell her how much I loved her. But that was also her way.

Venting Frustrations

2006-05-04T16:17:00.000-07:00

You know how sometimes something someone says can just rub you the WRONG way? Maybe it was their timing, maybe it was extenuating circumstances related to the situation that added to the whole “straw-that-broke-the-camels-back” feeling of the communication, but whatever it was, it just caused intense, MUST RESOLVE emotions in you.

In this case it is the classic, carrot and stick method, I never seem to see the carrot (yet, somehow I believe it is out there somewhere), but the stick is a constant concrete reality that seems to bash me upside the head more often then not. So, if I have been short with people recently, on the verge of tears or perhaps screamed at you recently over the phone, in person, via IM, or e-mail, believe me when I say, it’s not you, it’s me. I am just about ready to hang up my work-ethic and run away to join the circus…although G-d’s honest truth, that looks rather demanding as well. Maybe I’ll snatch one of those “Work From Home” fliers off the side of the freeway and keep the dog company as I sell pyramid schemes to unsuspecting senior citizens and stay-at-home parents.

LA Times Festival of Books

2006-04-30T20:46:00.000-07:00

This weekend I attended the above annual event on UCLA's campus along with two of my friends, "Red Dawn" and "Southern Gentleman". I think these two guys might actually adore literature and writing at least as much as I do, if they were combined, of course. As usual, I digress, but I must say that after attending a day at this amazing weekend, I am both chagrin and peeved that I have not gone out of my way more to try it sooner.

Southern Gentleman picked up a variety of tickets to panel discussions with the big highlight in our collective minds being Ray Bradbury's appearance. Sadly when we arrived, we discovered that Mr. Bradbury had cancelled his appearance due to illness. Luckily, he tends to appear on short notice at my favorite bookstore (Every Picture Tells a Story).

The true highlight of this even in my mind was seeing Ray Harryhausen in conversation with Richard Schickel, his longtime friend who was a film critic and producer of documentary films. If you do not know who Harryhausen is, well, you must've had a very different kind of childhood then I did. Harryhausen movies were a staple of my weekends alongside the habitual classic war movies my brother enjoyed. His amazing stop motion creatures creations were innovative and imaginative, not to mention thoroughly captivating.

The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad and Clash of the Titans are just two of my favorite examples of Harryhausen masterpieces. While he may not be the inventor of stop motion special effects in early cinema, his work is the most well known. His Cyclops, Hydra, Medusa are linked inexorably to my youth and who can forget his army of skeleton warriors? Schickel seemed more interested in getting Harryhausen's take on remakes of his creatures, ie Peter Jackson's King Kong. Harryhausen was appropriately modest and although Schikel baited him (this is my interpretation), Harryhausen remained the gentlemen, even if he did think that the relationship between Kong and his leading lady in the movie became ridiculously sexualized. I have not seen Mr. Jackson's film yet, so if someone could fill me in on the parts I missed, that would be great.

Harryhausen said several interesting quotes that give you a real sense of him as a living legend:
"Fantasy shouldn't be analyzed."
"The past is more romantic then the future."
"Everyone wants to be a critic."

Southern Gentleman was ensnared in the giant community crosswords that were put up sporatically around the event. He is a crossword nut, just like my roomate, The Brown One. So Red Dawn and I walked around the many bookstore stalls, my bag becoming heavier and heavier as I saw one after the other book that I "HAD TO HAVE". Granted, I should've been more careful about my purchases, but I was like a kid in a candy store and rational thought flew right out the window.

After a quick lunch, the three of us went to a panel on Quirky Non-fiction feature moderator Megan Daum, a LA Times Columist. The authors were Veronica Chambers(Mama's Girl, The Joy of Doing Things Badly), June Casagrande (A Word Please, Grammer Snobs are Great Big Meanies), and Martin Smith (Poplorica, Oops : 20 Life Lessons from the Fiascoes That Shaped America). This was an intersting panel, but probably not one I would attend again since I so rarely have enough material to write non-fiction topic specific stories. Of course, I still have no clue what kind of writer I am or want to be. Mostly, I just write for me.

Instant Dads

2006-04-28T17:44:00.000-07:00

I went to an Independent film screening premiere last night. When I first finished film school I attended a lot of film openings like this, many of them worked on by fellow graduates and a few that I even did the production or post production audio on. Now, I’m lucky if I am invited to see a truly independent film once a year, so I considered this a big treat. To add to my delight, 2 close friends of mine who composed original music for the film’s score were asked to perform live before the screening.

From the handout provided to guests of the screening:
Plot for Instant Dads
A film about a guy, Steven (who happens to be gay), who’s ex-girlfriend from high school, Nancy, shows up with a surprise, their 10 year old son Luke! Nancy never told Steven that she got pregnant on prom night with his child (the only girl Steven ever slept with by the way). Nancy reappeared in Steven’s life dying of cancer. She informs Steven that her last wish is to have him “the natural father” adopt Luke. WOW what a blow for a guy who is in a relationship with another guy and neither one of them has a clue on how to raise a 10 year old kid! After many talks with his boyfriend Peter, Steven decides that he will make Nancy’s dying wish come true, but NOT without a CRASH COURSE FIRST!

For someone tackling writing, directing, and acting to take on such serious and controversial subject matter was a big risk in my estimation. Instant Dads succeeds on many levels. First the main cast was first rate, especially Dominic Janes who plays Luke. Child actors can be challenging for a variety of reasons, not the least of which being their ability to portray sadness, anger, and uncertainty with a degree of believability. Luke was without a doubt phenomenal. It helped, that Maki writes him to be a wise 10 year old that has had to grow up fast due to his mother’s serious illness. Dominic is being rewarded for his hard work and dedication to his craft, he has a recurring role as Alex Taggart on ER.

The second major success for filmmaker Maki was having Universal studios agree to let him film at their Citywalk. He took advantage of this location using a café, a toy store, and the front of the movie theater for different parts of the film. These authentic locations lent to the overall professional feel of the film. Also Maki’s willingness to use many locations; houses, cars, parks really gave the film an authentic quality that many low budget pictures cannot afford.

You really care about the characters in Instant Dads and this is due to a combination of the script and the actors. This is a cohesive and heartfelt effort from all involved. What I like about the film is although there are many songs and the score is well executed, it is not wall to wall music. In fact, the music is so well integrated into the movie that it contributes to the overall emotion of the piece. Kudos to whoever chooses the placement of the songs since they integrate so well. High praise to my friends who had previously never composed for film, I am thrilled that they were involved in such a superb first effort.

Please Pray

2006-04-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

I am a big believer in the power of prayer. A dear friend of mine from work heard last night that his father suffered a severe stroke. If you pray, please include him and his family in the thoughts you send to your chosen entity. My friend will be flying to the state where his dad is tomorrow morning and any good things we can send his way might hopefully mitigate the fear and helplessness he is feeling.

Thank you.

UPDATE: Sadly, my friend's dad passed away. Please continue to pray for him and his family if you are able. I believe it makes a difference, your faith, your love, your spirit contribute to the healing of others and yourself.

Earth Day April 22, 2006

2006-04-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Earth Day dear readers! This Earth Day I spent in Northern California at my parent’s house. My father was taking part in the local clean-up in some nearby areas operated and overseen by the Park’s District so I decided to join him. We got started early and the city provided breakfast and buses to 3 different sites that needed our attention. My father had the task of greeting volunteers and setting up lunch while I went with a group to a recreational park that also serves as a summer nature camp for kids.

The rangers pointed out where the stream in the park had overrun its banks and left debris in the water and on surrounding banks. Our task was to remove the leaves and dead foliage from the living plants and put it into a pile to compost a bit further downstream. While some of us were handing that, others were recruited to bring in gravel and build up a trail that was washed away. Upon completion of this work a large wooden bridge was installed across the stream to provide easy access from one side of the park to the other.

The group of volunteers I was with at the park of included a school teacher from the High School I attended, a member of the city’s beautification committee, kids ranging from toddlers to teenagers, and 4 park rangers (one rather unfortunately named Ranger Rick, I am NOT kidding). Having helped found the Environmental Club when I was in High School, I was happy to see a lot of older teenagers who were wearing sweatshirts and hats from my alma mater.

Once all the volunteers from the various worksites were bused back to the original location lunch was provided. We were also treated to educational pamphlets on keeping your garden bug free using non-toxic means, recycling used motor oil and filters, recycling batteries, keeping water and air clean. We got some really well made, ORGANIC t-shirts. Breakfast, a snack, lunch, and a free t-shirt…I should volunteer more often huh?

Second Successful Seder

2006-04-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

Close friends, delicious food, ample wine, a thrilling saga of danger and triumph, and finger puppets, what more could a Jewess want? Besides a little bacon, nothing. Kidding, kidding, please do not reign pestalence upon my crop for a little Kosher joking.

On Wednesday night, April 12th, my roommates and I hosted our second Seder at our humble abode. oh boy, if each and every Seder is supposed to top the next one then this one was right on track.

The menu was typical Jewish fare (at least for a girl who grew up in Northern California). We had apricot chicken, pot roast, matzoh, and the apple and walnut charoset that I grew up with (although my Dad still makes it better then I do, but I've only made it a dozen times while he has been making it for over 30 years). The Brown One and Jedi were kind enough to cook delicious side dishes. The Brown One also bought us a beautiful new Passover Seder plate that was much needed after the Seder plate I made a couple of years ago at Color Me Mine got broken in the move.

The Brown One also contributed the most hilarious new element to our Seder meal, the 10 Plague Puppets. Not sure if everyone has seen these, but they're 10 exquisitely crafted finger puppets, my favorite has to be a tie between Darkness and Locust. Hail is pretty darn funny with his Carrottop hair. For our Seder we let each participant choose a puppet and then read about the cooresponding plague it pertained to, but here's the catch, you had to read the passage in the type of voice you think your plague would have.

We had plague, Death of the First Born, from New York, the Southern Belle Locust plague, and other ludicrous pairings. Our friend Blinky and Koosh were expecially fond of their plagues, Lice and Wild Animals. I tell you, I don't think you have experienced the true freedom and joy of Passover without Ten Plague Puppets.

We didn't have all of this frolic and food without remembering the true reason for the holiday. Our Passover was dedicated to those men, women, and children suffering hunger, rape, war, and an uncertain future in Darfur. We were reminded why we should treasure our freedom from persecution for color, religion, sexual preference, or political convictions. We affirmed that while there remains one person chained, beaten down, murdered for there beliefs we must be their voice, and we cannot stop shouting until we are heard.

As I looked around the table at my friends who are so different from me, hearing them read the story of Moses leading his people out of Pharoah's Egypt. Telling this beautiful tale of freedom from oppression I felt that my heart would burst with the love and goodwill. Next year in Jerusalem.

Me and Stephen King: Reading Soulmates?

2006-04-17T17:30:00.000-07:00

I was reading Stephen King’s top 10 books of 2005 today on the Entertainment Weekly Website and was surprised to find that one book I just finished and one I am currently in the middle of are on his list.

First there is Saturday by Ian McEwan. This is the third book that I have read by the author and I admit that his writing style is so descriptive that it takes some getting used to. I prefer to listen to his books versus reading them. The added benefit is that the reader is British so he really captures the more English expressions and contemporary slang terms that are not used here in the United States. There are mellifluous passages that goon page after page describing the minutiae of the main character, Henry Perowne’s day. Since the book takes place over the course of one Saturday in the main character’s life you are able to read every thought he has, every impulse he acts on and know exactly where within the body of his emotional, financial, professional, personal, and physical life this single day occurs.

This is a complex read, not advisable for anyone looking for a beach book or easily followed mystery. The beautiful paragraphs that talk about Perowne’s love for his wife, Rosalind are startling in their intimacies. Sometimes when the author wrote about their deep, abiding, and still passionate love for each other after raising their two adult children I have cause to smile and think of people in my own family who have been together for decades and share a past that contains mutual respect and adoration. I enjoyed this read more then Atonement and Black Dogs and feel that it is the most personal book I have read by McEwan.

The second book mentioned by King is Kate Atkinson’s Case Histories and I am chagrin to admit that I put this tasty morsel down after 200 pages to read King’s newest bestseller Cell (Jedi raved about it and that in and of itself was enough to intrigue me, but 2 friends who also have blogs-theirs are specifically used to review books also had good things to say about this latest offering). Atkinson’s book jumps around quite a bit, but once you catch onto the writing style it proves to be a fast paced, detail oriented read well worth the adjustment. I will be picking it back up this week and maybe just for kicks I’ll start at the beginning.

Charge: Odd Food Collector, Verdict: Guilty

2006-04-17T17:16:00.000-07:00

I like going to all sorts of specialty markets and buying obscure or difficult to find items. In the past, these purchases have included dried grated turnip, jars of dulce de leche, hunks of sweet sticky guava paste, Jerusalem artichokes, star fruit, tahini, and kasha. Now some of the previous list you might recognize from Ralph’s or Von’s, but would you know what to do with them once you get them home? Yep, me either. Therefore languishing in fridge drawers and cupboards are the lotus root and red bean paste that seemed so inspiring while browsing the aisles of an Asian market near my house. Yet they keep each other company in the refrigerator awaiting the day when I will reach for them to inspire and motivate my outrageously misguided palate.

Other offenses include yummy, delicious, amazing anchovy wrapped capers in extra virgin olive oil. In my defense I bought these full well intending to eat them. They were a purchase made in the depths of nostalgia for the wondrous meals my Grandparents would cobble together of various pickled items, leftover roast beef, and vegetables galore. Never would I have thought that seedless rye bread spread with a thin coating of unsalted real dairy whipped butter and a smidge of real mayonnaise topped with several anchovy filets (looking almost flowerlike around their caper center) could taste like heaven. Albeit, salty, full-fat heaven, but such simplicity can be the right combinations to make me wax nostalgic. What I never counted on when I bought the tin of anchovies was how incredibly difficult it is to find fresh baked seedless rye here on the West Coast. Yeah, I know, cry me a river, my life is SO hard.

Is there something unmentionable lurking in your cabinets or veggie drawer? Maybe in the dark, cold climate of your freezer? Let me know, I don’t want to be the only one collecting weird foodstuff.

My Pirate Name

2006-03-22T14:50:00.000-08:00

My pirate name is:

Mad Ethel Kidd

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

Scent Memories

2006-03-21T16:52:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed that particular smells remind you of certain times, places, and people? Your sense of smell is a strong trigger for memories. Here are a few of mine:

Violet Water – this smell reminds me of my Mom, especially when combined with the scent of Youth Dew perfume. I would often sneak sprizes of these toilet waters from my Mom’s dresser where she kept her perfume selections. These remind me the most of her.

Rising Bread Dough – the yeasty warm smell of bread dough that is “resting” before being baked never fails to invoke thoughts of my Father who used to prepare fresh bread every weekend during my early childhood. Old Spice also can remind me of my Dad, or the smell of a pipe which he stopped smoking before I was a teenager. Going into a tobacco shop can instantly bring to mind my father’s pipe clasp between his teeth on Fall afternoons while he was changing the oil on the cars in the drive-way.

Drakkar Noir – I remember my brother drenching himself with this assault on your nostrils that he would call cologne. I think he thought it’s scent would seduce the teenage girls into ignoring his heiniously bad 80s hairdo and have them falling at his feet.

Chalk and oil paints – these always bring me back to my first art teacher who was a friend of my family’s through our temple. In fact, her mom was my Sunday School teacher at one point. My art teacher was maybe in her late teens when she showed me how to use watercolors, charcoal, and pastels to render faces, hands, and inanimate objects on a page. She even explained to me the meaning of the Car’s song “Who’s Gonna Drive You Home Tonight” when my youthful inexperience thought it was about someone drinking too much at a bar.

Peaches – whenever I smell peaches, even in my bubble bath last night I can’t help but think of my Grandma on my father’s side. She liked Peach Schnapp’s and would offer it to us kids every now and then. It was such a treat that sweet peachy goodness it made me feel like an adult sharing something special with her.

Clean Laundry – when laundry is fresh and warm straight out of the dryer the smell sets off a cascade of feline memories for me. All the cats I have had or known have loved clean, warm sheets, underwear, shirts, and jeans to knead, burrow under, or simple curl up on.

Chlorine – reminds me of my Mother’s parents, my Nana and Papa who had pool when I was little and I closely associate the smell of chlorine

Marlo Thomas Makes Me Smile

2006-03-20T17:07:00.000-08:00

The Brown One mentioned in passing one day that she had the DVD for “Free to Be You and Me” that I might remember from my childhood. Remember…oh boy…I kid you not when I say that right after my fetish for the full cast movie recording Annie, Free to Be You and Me was my favorite nostalgia album from pre-teen youth. Now, not only was I getting to relieve the music, but I was finding out that there was a whole TV special that this exuberant child geared music came from.

What a magical Saturday morning we had watching this DVD chock full of confidence boasting messages for boys and girls of every age, religion, and ethnicity. One of the most endearing scenes is between a young Michael Jackson and Roberta Flack singing a song called “When I Grow Up” that affirms children are valued for who they are, not what they are. They also pay tribute to working parents (believe me when I say, every parent is a working parent) in a song sang by Marlo Thomas and Harry Belafonte called “Parents are People”. Rosey Grier passably vocalizes on “It’s Alright to Cry”, but it is his sincerity and charm that make this one of my choice performances on the DVD. Here’s a sample of his lyrics:

It's all right to cry
Crying takes the mad out of you
It's all right to cry
It might make you feel better!

He ends the song with "It's all right to cry little boy -- I know some big boys who cry too."

Not surprisingly this positive, heartfelt TV special garnered an Emmy Award for containing such understandable messages about gender roles in “William Wants a Doll” and teaching the difference between good help and help no one wants in “Helping”. Let me say that this show stands the test of time, the lyrics to the music came back to me as if I had just watched the DVD yesterday. Marlo Thomas was instrumental in helping all children when she set out to make this piece with the idea that was born--according to the liner notes--by the desire to provide her niece with music "to celebrate who she was and who she could be."

Whatever your age, this is a terrific DVD, full of affirmations about the changes associated with growing up.

Who Will Speak for You?

2006-03-20T14:38:00.000-08:00

For St. Paddy’s Day I had the pleasure of a traditional corned beef and cabbage dinner with some friends. The couple whose house these festivities were at had recently changed jobs and the lady of the house, we will call her the Queen of Karaoke (QK for short, her boyfriend is Blondie from previous posts) in honor of her boyfriend’s gift to her of a Karaoke machine that hooks into their TV, had recently begun working for a non-profit group called Jewish World Watch. JWW is an organization that is currently advocating for the people of Darfur, Sudan, but the overall concept of the group is to make good on the idea that as human beings we must not allow another Holocaust no matter what name is used to make it more socially palatable. Mass killing, violation of human rights, blocking of aid and relief efforts should bring outrage and uproar to those living with the blessings of freedom.

Currently, JWW is promoting a Passover Advocacy Project. At QK’s house she had 3x5 cards that had been filled out by school children of a variety of ages. Reading those notes was both heart wrenching and hilarious. Heart wrenching, because it's difficult to imagine children with food, housing, peace, and freedom in their home life having to advocate for children who have nothing and hilarious because a first grader is taking our President to task for not living up to his words, “Not on my watch”.

Thinking about the everyday struggles in Darfur make me want a better world for the future and for the children growing up there. I have decided to make their Advocacy Project a part of my Passover Seder this year. Passover is my favorite Jewish Holiday and it will have a special meaning this year as we sit down to tell the story of how Moses brought freedom to the Jews under Egypt’s Pharoah’s rule and we write letters to our representatives in Washington to bring attention to the suffering of men, women, and children in Darfur. Turning a blind eye to the rape, terror, and murder of an entire people is not the legacy I want for this great nation.

You can help stop the atrocities in Darfur from the comfort of your computer, simply go to this website and send an e-mail (conveniently provided here) to President Bush asking him to live up to his words and help the Sudanese people stop the violence and bring much needed aid to the area.

I leave you with this poem attributed to Pastor Martin Niemoller (a controversial figure for his support of Hitler prior to his persecution by the Third Reich) about how German intellectuals responded to the Nazi rise in power:

First they came…

When they came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for the Jews.
I did not speak out;
I was not a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.

All I Want to Be is ....EVERYTHING!

2006-03-16T17:55:00.000-08:00

Often over the past 7 years I have wanted to have a career different from the one I have. This has lead to fantasies about working in fields that actually make a difference, that help people, animals, soceity as a whole, or fulfill my want to feel special and/or important. Instead, I am a cog in a large industrial machine and the realization of my more altruistic side is found through volunteer work, charitable donations, and armchair political activism.

Below are some of the jobs or in some cases careers that have attracted my attention or been my aspiration in the previous years.

*Forensic Pathologist-I imagine working with the dead would be peaceful, but also interesting. My respect for the bodies they leave behind and the information gathered by Pathologist is useful in alleviating family’s grief, solving crimes, and improving science. The amount of school I would need to go back for to do this job makes it financially prohibitive.
*EMT/Paramedic-Helping people is the central draw of this career path. Not to mention the excitement and critical thinking involved. I have an Uncle who does this and he is tall and strong with a calm, deep voice. Being short of stature and a women, the physical requirements are daunting, especially when you consider the possibility of needing to carry someone down countless flights of stairs safely.
*Editor-I love reading and writing, but aside from that have no real qualifications that would recommend me to this position.
*Adventure Racing-You may have guessed that I am a huge fan of Mark Burnett’s Eco-challenge on the Discover Channel. I love watching teams push past there human limits and show an endurance of the mind and mastery of the body that you see in very few sports. The Kayaking, Biking, Hiking, River Rafting, Map reading, and interpersonal interaction is appealing to me. I like the comradery and the variety of events, and think I could handle them well if I were in better physical condition. Something unique to this sport is that most of the participants are not in their twenties, they are instead seasoned athletes who know their strengths and weaknesses. A girl like me is more cut out to consider this strictly a spectator sport.
*Author-Same pros and cons as being an editor, plus I am uncertain if I possess the self-motivation required to sit at a desk for 8 hours a day writing.

Random Questions with 4 Answers

2006-03-14T18:02:00.000-08:00

I stole this from a friend’s blog.

Four jobs I've had:
*Making pizza for a take’n’bake shop in Northern California
*Assistant Sound Operator/Designer for American Musical Theater of San Jose (formerly known as San Jose Civic Light Opera when I worked there)
*Hostess at Carrows Restaurant (waking up at the cruel hour of 4AM to spend 8 hours on my feet…I am in awe of people who do this everyday, they are amazing.)
*Assistant to a VP at a large television company

Four movies I can watch over and over:
*Labyrinth (Duh…this is the movie I celebrate with, I cry with…I love this movie…or maybe it’s just David Bowie’s wardrobe)
*Super Troopers (the crash humor in this is a delight)
*Blood Simple (the Cohen Brothers at there absolute best…fascinating noir thriller)
*Cider House Rules (taken from my favorite John Irving book, Tobey McGuire is superb and Michael Cain is heartbreaking in this excellent adaptation)

Four places I've lived:
*Northridge, CA
*Sherman Oaks, CA
*Burbank, CA
*Los Angeles, CA (near USC)

Four TV shows I love:
*Oz
*The Muppet Show
*The Shield (best show on TV)
*Investigative Reports

Four places I've vacationed:
*Oahu, Hawaii
*Mammoth, CA
*Disneyworld in Florida
*Williamsburg, West Virginia

Four of my favorite dishes:
*My matzo ball soup
*My dad’s coleslaw (and he makes great waffles)
*My mom’s pot roast (she does an incredible NY Cheesecake that is so dense and rich it’s like being in the Big Apple)
*My boyfriend’s baked apples (and he also makes pretty darn good pancakes too)

Four sites I visit daily:
*CNN
*NPR
*FARK
*IMDB (usually work related)

Four places I would rather be right now:
*at home reading
*Peru hanging with the sloths
*Brazil eating the fantastic food that I have heard about there.
*In my car finishing up the book on tape I am listening to.

Spiritual Journey Cultivates Intrigue

2006-03-14T17:40:00.000-08:00

In the doctor’s office today I was reading a National Geographics Travel Guide of some kind It looked a lot like the Nat Geo magazine from my childhood, but instead of simply showing beautiful pictures of exotic locals, it gave the reader the information needed to travel to those edges of the world and see the amazing plants, animals, and people shown and talked about in the articles. (I found out later that the magazine is called “Adventure”, I think I am going to subscribe and drool all over the incredible pictures and stories from all parts of this wonderful planet).

The story of one traveler fascinated me no end, it was the experiences of Kira, the author, on a trip down the Amazon in Peru to experience a spiritual/physical journey using ayahuasca (containing the hallucinogen DMT), a “shaman medicinal ritual”. The article goes on to describe a frightening, but fascinating incident that has healing aspects for the writer and various responses from the other fairly typical European and American participants. The ayahuasca, which is mixed by the Shaman is said to have healing properties ranging from curing cancer to alleviating severe depression (as attested to by the writer). I was captivated by the internal journey explored using this mixture and it very much reminded me of a college friends stories of trying Peyote buttons with his Native American Grandfather when he reached adulthood.

In no way am I advocating illicit drug activity, but this ritual is something I equivocate mildly with the indulgence in wine that my religion is involved in to celebrate Passover (my favorite of all Jewish holidays, even before I liked wine). They are both means to expand ones daily boundaries and indulge in rites that our ancestors did. This aspect of the shaman’s ritual, that it has gone before us and will continue after each of us is dead is suggestive of the continuity of live. Of course, one could argue that penguins lived in the arctic before I was born and will also be there after I die and that there is a timeless quality in that as well. As usual, I digress, when what I really mean to say is that I am intrigued by the authors abilities to depart the everyday 9-5 lifestyle and travel to a country with a past, with religious views and rituals so different from my own.

After reading this article I am more inspired to visit Peru then ever before. Not only for their rich tropical foliage and unique wildlife (specifically the three toed sloths that I have seen in Peruvian Market pictures-although I would be happier to see them in the jungle then in captivity…they look like Muppets!).

Cool Piggy Product

2006-03-02T15:51:00.000-08:00

Exhausted and Overwhelming: Solving the Schedule Crisis

2006-03-02T15:49:00.000-08:00

Exhaustion has been a constant the past couple of weeks. Whenever I yawn, rub my eyes, stretch my back, and yearn for sleep I think I should call the doctor. Sadly, I suspect the truth of the matter is that I am not sick in the least and that I am simply overscheduled. Let’s take a look at a typical week for yours truly, Miss Megastein:

-Go to 40 hour a week job (my commute is about an hour each direction).
-Have lunch with a friend or co-worker a minimum of three times per week.
-Enjoy dinner out or some event with my significant other and/friends at least five times a week.
-Have two scheduled events during each weekend (last weekend was outrageous, Friday night I attended a jam band concert, Saturday was Book Club followed by an evening at the symphony, and Sunday was Nascar out at the California Speedway.).

At the end of December I moved and here it is March and I am still unpacking (granted, the roommate whose place I am taking did not move until the end of January). Yep, no doubt about it, I am overbooking myself. Heck, I have things on my schedule all the way out until November of this year. Plus I feel this enormous drive to take the scuba lessons I received as a birthday gift, but the time commitment is daunting (it’s really not all that much, but right now to my way of thinking the payoff would add to my schedule crisis). In this state of mind even my netflicks movies seem to be taunting me with my inability to watch them in a timely manner.

So, dear reader, I need to cut back. I need to rearrangement my responsibilities, obligations, needs, and wants in a way that give me more structure and additional energy. I know what I need to do and like the old Saturday morning interstitials say, “Knowing is half the battle”. It’s the execution of said knowledge that is overwhelming. So baby steps it will be. I’m going to check out a gym with my roommate this weekend, which seems like as good a place as any to start.

Cute Babies, Creepy Adults

2006-03-01T17:53:00.000-08:00

I am babysitting a dear friend’s 10 month old baby boy tonight. Watching this baby grow from a new born to this point where he is on the cusp of being a toddler has been an amazing experience for me. Many of my cousins have children that I have received pictures of frequently, some from birth to adulthood, but seeing it happen so rapidly right in front of my eyes has been incredible.

Something that I have noticed is that babies often smile using their whole face. Their eyes light up, eyebrows raise, mouth opens with glee and they have such enthusiastic open expressions. So, the other day I mentioned to Jedi this observation and went on to ask him why we seem to lose this ability as adults. He looked at me with raised eyebrows and said “This is why” and proceeded to make the most disturbing and frighteningly weird face I have ever seen. His eyes were bugging from his head, his eyebrows were arched in absurd surprise and his mouth had a humongous smile that was supremely creepy in a “clowns-are-cannibals” kind of way.

Yeah, I now understand why grownups limit their smiles to their eyes and mouths.

As a sort of after thought to this whole conversation is this:
We were watching Scrubs last night and noticed the John C. McGinley who plays Dr. Perry Cox sometimes does the whole face smile thing. He does in some respects look like a baby, but mostly it’s just scary.

Valentine's Day

2006-02-27T13:59:00.000-08:00

Jedi really outdid himself for Valentine's Day. He set a standard that I think a lot of guys would have trouble beating. When I got home from work he was already in the kitchen preparing 2 different pasta dishes from an America's Test Kitchen episode we had seen earlier that week. Our roommate/friend, The Brown One, and two of our friends were joining us for dinner. Least anyone ask why we did not choose to be alone, I say that we are quite casual in our household and enjoy sharing holidays and most events with friends very much. Plus we spend a great deal of time together and are blessed to having many friends in common. I'm sure there will come a time when we are so busy we will need to schedule date nights, but that time is a bit in the future.

The pasta dishes were magnificent. He made Penne with Toated Nut and Parsley Pesto
and followed it up with Campanelli with Asparagus, Basil, and Balsamic Glaze. Neither of these are dishes I would have tried to prepare on my own, but as demonstrated by Jedi they are not only quick to prepare, but deceptively simple as well. Plus they are vegetarian which is great since The Brown One does not eat meat. Who knows, I might have to try making the Spaghetti with Olive Pesto this week.

On top of this amazing meal my wonderful boyfriend was preparing, he had also bought me 2 gifts that proved to be very insightful. I received a gorgeous cymbidium orchid in full bloom, it was sitting on his dresser in the new room we share. I am not a fan of cut flowers in the least and would always prefer something living instead. Green foliage and flora are something I take pride in watering, repotting, and making thrive. Orchids just happen to be my favorite flower, I am certain Jedi must know that considering how much time I devoted to looking at them in Hawaii. They are exotic and difficult (for me) to cultivate.

If the flowers and dinner were not enough, Jedi had got me one more gift. He gave me a gift certificate for the Nitespa in Venice, CA. This is a spa that specifically caters to people who want to pamper themselves after work. It is in a little house right off Abbot Kinney, it is adorable and personal. Two nights after our Valentine's Day celebration, I went to Nitespa for their AfterParty Antioxident Detox Facial. It was FANTASTIC!!! Not only did it address my current dry skin (it is desert out here people!) and moderate acne problem, but the women told me I had well hydrated skin. I tell you, I felt like a rockstar when I was finished there and have been drinking gallons of water to keep my skin as hydrated as possible so I can get more compliments like that.

Jedi knew I wanted to be pampered and feel relaxed and he took the time and trouble to make that happen. Of course, he tends to be very sensitive to my needs and wants most of the time, but it was pretty special having that happen on a Hallmark Holiday like Valentine's Day.

Fashion Fantasy #47

2006-02-27T13:46:00.000-08:00

Like many people out there I have a vivid fantasy life. I do not dream of sex or money, or even fantasize that some day I will be famous. Nope, I just want a pair of pants that fit. I mean is it really asking too much of the American clothes industry to create a decent pair of black or khaki pants that go from store to home fitting like a gem? Apparently so because I have yet to find slacks that are correctly proportioned for my body.

Admitedly, I used to believe that I had an "odd" body type, but as I look at my friends and fellow fashion victims I realize that either we are all "odd" or the perfect size anything person is the oddball. It has reached a point where if something is not too big or not too small and kinda fits ok, I buy it. This is not the way it should have to be to buy clothing! My closet is filled with a hodgepodge of clothes from Target, Nordstrom, Ross, Chico's, and Ann Taylor Loft that not only do not match, but do not flatter.

I know I am being superficial in the belief that my life would be easier if I were the subject of "What Not to Wear" or an Oprah Makeover guest. Afterall the problems in Darfur and affecting people in the aftermath of Katrina and the Tsunami are far more important a topic that I should think about addressing here and bringing to everyone's attention. These tragedies are not on my mind all the time. Being just as human as many people I want to look good, but more then that I want to feel good about myself. Stay tuned for how I figure out the economically sound ways to do this. It might not happen overnight, but all good things take time.

2006-02-24T13:14:00.000-08:00

You Are a Mai Tai

You aren't a big drinker, but you'll drink if the atmosphere is festive.
And when you're drunk, watch out! You're easily carried away.

What Mixed Drink Are You?

Happy V-day

2006-02-14T13:55:00.000-08:00

As a tribute to this romantic holiday I would like to tell you, my dear reader about my wonderful boyfried Jedi. He has a plethora of attributes that would recommend him to many women as an ideal man. He is kind and generous, loves to cook, and has an appreciation for arts be it a concert, musical, exhibit, or graffiti. He is open minded and fairly liberal in life and politics, which suits me well as I fancy myself to be like-minded.

But all these things are fairly generic, not that they aren't vital, but these are not the stand-out reasons why I love him. Jedi has a singular passion for music that brings joy and excitement to everyday. Music by diverse groups of artists, both mainstream and little known bands capture his imagination and inspire him to quiet reflection, frentic dancing, joyous revelry, and boisterous singing. A soul of music and light is what attracted me to him.

Once upon a time, not all that long ago, Jedi worked as a deejay. Weddings, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, School Dances, you name it, he spun the records for it. Even though he has not worked professionally for some years, when we started dating he would occasionally put some CDs up and use his equipment to mix dance music, adding beats, crossfading, scratching, the whole nine yards. When I moved in last month, there was very little room for my stuff in his apartment (because one of his roommate who was moving out still had her stuff there). One day I came home from work and low and behold, Jedi moved all of his gear so that my dresser could be setup and I would have a little space to call my own. To me, that is romance.

Our common adoration of food provides many opportunities for trying new items at the grocery store, at restaurants, and at friend's homes. Jedi is meticulous in the kitchen, he buys materials suggested by his favorite commercial producer come celebrity chef, Alton Brown. Two years ago, The Brown One, my second roommate and friend, collected funds to get Jedi the first several seasons of Alton's cooking show, Good Eats. He refers back to episodes frequently. My favorite of the AB recipes that he has tried are the pork ribs (no big surprise there huh?), pancakes, meatloaf, and turkey. I am hoping he will soon try to take on Mr. Brown's onion soup, or I may just be up to the challenge myself.

My boyfriend is a dedicated worker too. The meticulousness in the kitchen is probably a hundred-fold more when he is working. Admittedly, I did not have a good understanding of his job as a Computer Consultant until we were in Hawaii where I experienced his work ethic up close and personal. It was a side of him that I had not seen before and brought out a level of professionalism that I admired, especially since it proved to be a difficult situation. His patience knows no bounds when he is trying to relate certain problems at work to me, much of which I have trouble understanding. Proudly, I consider myself better educated in computer networking from these discussions and am even capable of solving problems sometimes on my work computer from what I have learned.

Valentine's Day really isn't an important holiday other then the fact that it gives me the chance to tell everyone about my Valentine. Okay, I don't mind the chocolate either...

I am a Spam Fan!

2006-02-13T16:27:00.000-08:00

I have a can of Spam Lite in the trunk of my car. Yes, I admit it I am a fan of Spam. It was a long forgotten guilty pleasure of mine until my recent trip to O’ahu where the prevalence of the product and its many serving styles bring a smile to my face. In Hawaii Spam is a staple of many local restaurants, it is a breakfast favorite often accompanying eggs and Portuguese sausage. However my favorite Spam recipe is for the very simple, quick, and tasty sushi-nigiri-like dish of musubi. Basically it is sticky slightly sweet rice with a slice of soy marinated Spam on top. It is a perfect companion food with beer or as a good start to the day. Not exactly the breakfast of champions, but the comlpex carbs and protein add up to enough fuel to walk around the island for several hours without my tummy complaining.

Back to the can in the trunk. I had the intention of bringing it into the house and creating some musubi this weekend, but alas my plans feel through. Plus Jedi was making pancakes, and there is nothing on Earth as good as those (he uses Alton Brown's recipe complete with butter and buttermilk...for that very reason these are not a daily indulgence for us). So, it will perhaps take a trip with me to Northern California this weekend, maybe I could get the family at large to appreciate the pleasing taste and texture of canned pork.

I have added a few cute pictures from the Spam website. They have everything a Spam lover would never think to get, like Spam brand keychains, hats, even a Spam can costume, unbelievable!

Great Music

2006-02-05T15:04:00.000-08:00

If you like music in the style of Dave Matthews Band, John Mayer, or Matchbox 20 then you might like The Mundaze . They are based in Northern California, but 2 of the members were down in SoCal for NAMM (for those of you not in the industry, be it music or entertainment, that would be the National Association of Music Merchants). They have a convention every year in Anaheim for musicians, audio engineers, and recordists.

I am hoping they get some gigs down here since it's sometimes hard to get up to the Bay Area for weeknight shows. Thankfully, we have some of their albums already, including a live recording that is exceptional both in enery of the performance and the audio quality.

My Favorite Quilt

2006-01-31T16:42:00.000-08:00

When I went away to college I was leaving the only home I had known for the first 18 years of my life. It was a frightening and exhilarating new chapter for me that held the responsibilities and freedoms of adulthood. Leaving the comfort of the bedroom I lived in for almost two decades was difficult, but I did bring many cherished items along as reminders of where I came from. One of the best items I brought with me to college was a quilt that my mother made for me. Sleeping under it made me feel safe and loved.

It wasn’t an ordinary quilt, but one made in my favorite color combination of turquoise and orange. Being made in a traditional quilt pattern it incorporated many different hues and variations on this color them with the end result assaulting your eyes in brilliant crashing shades. I loved displaying this blanket in my studio apartment at school. Fellow students, neighbors and friends would comment on the choice of combining cool and warm tones. Most people had a strong reaction to the mixture containing bold stripes, muted ginghams, solids, and floral patterns.

It wasn’t soft when I first used it on my bed. The cotton was a little scratchy, not worn in with love and time. I still have the quilt, it's needs some repairs, but then again what well loved item doesn't? Over the years the quilt has grown raggedy, popping its stitches, sustaining a horrible rip down the middle that has been repaired repetitiously, but the dye has not faded. I’m so pleased that my mother did not play it safe and just make something in one color or choose something more fashionable that was not “me”.

New Year's Resolution

2006-01-21T13:43:00.000-08:00

Ever since Hanukkah I have been reading like a mad woman. Part of this is due to the gifts I received from my boyfriend’s Mother and her boyfriend. They sent me 8 books, one for each night of Hanukkah and they were all books that I wanted to read which is probably why I have already finished 3 of them and am working on a forth right now. Also, the fact that I was on vacation for a week spending most meals by myself (since Jedi was working), I would read of listen to books on tape while watching passers-by. Since New Year’s I have already completed 2 books on tape. However, you may all have noticed that I have been incredibly remiss in writing about any of them or writing about anything at all lately. I’d say that I made a New Year’s resolution to write a bit each week, but that wouldn’t happen. I did make a resolution though. I want to try and travel outside the United States this calendar year, even if it means Canada or Mexico.

I also made a promise to myself to try and stop one of my myriad of bad habits. During work meetings and serious conversations and…well, a lot of time when I am concentrating I put my fingers in my hair and twirl it around and around and around. My boss has commented on it several times and so has Jedi. I really need to work on getting my hands out of my hair. Not only is it distracting to people, but it leaves my curly frizzy hair in Rastafarian-like dreadlocks. Gotta work on cutting this out of my repertoire of moves.

Hawaii

2006-01-19T14:24:00.000-08:00

This past week I joined my boyfriend for a business trip to O'ahu, Hawaii. Dream job huh, getting to actually travel on expense account to tropical paradise? You might think so, but alas, I beg to differ. Jedi ended up working such wild hours we barely had any time together. Not that I'm complaining, because I do well exploring on my own, but this was not an ideal vacation experience. It was both an adventure and extremely restful for me.

O'ahu is an incredibley beautiful island with soft, white sand and translucent green-blue water. It is also a melting pot of cultures, religions, and lifestyles, I was surprised to see so much diversity in such a small place. Los Angeles used to strike me as being very diverse and accepting, but I think Hawaii beats us hands down.

Just to give you an idea of the mix, I interacted people from Vietnam, the Phillipines, Korea, China, Japan, Cambodia, Australian, New Zealand, England, and United States Mainland. Plus most of these people are represented in Hawaii with their culture's food. I ate ramen, tacos, sushi, BBQ (both Hawaiian and Texas style), and macadamian pancakes with coconut syrup. Does anyone know what the fascination serving macaroni salad and white rice with everything??? And the macaroni salad is nothing more then elbow shaped pasta and mayo...hello? What is up with that?

Speaking of food, the airline actually served meals at no additional cost and they were sort of tasty too. I played it safe and had pasta on the flights to and from Honolulu. I have to say I enjoyed Hawaiian Airlines service quite a bit. They were unceasingly kind and punctual too (which is saying a lot when it comes to traveling). Since childhood I have been a notoriously bad traveler, but I am improving with age (I'm uncertain if my boyfriend would agree).

Overcoming Diet Coke Dependency

2006-01-19T14:19:00.000-08:00

At my job there is an ongoing joke that diet coke should be illegal. My co-workers and I crave it with something akin to a chemical depencency. It is easier on the stomache then coffee, readily available in vending machines, gas stations, and grocery stores (except Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s, they know better).

I’m not sure how many of you out there can identify with me on this, but I crave specific foods like smokers crave nicotine. Sometimes these longings are so acute that they take on a life of there own. Some recent comestibles that I have been seeking, found, or otherwise consumed have included Vlasic dill pickles, Nathan’s Fat Free All-beef hot dogs (with tons of ketchup and relish), diet root beer, beets, thousand island dressing (had it yesterday, but sadly it was not up to par), dark chocolate, and garbanzo beans (not together). Mostly I crave pickled items, anything that has brined is sweet music to my tastebuds. I have a sweet tooth as well, but it is more opportunistic then purposeful. My workplace is teeming with chocolates, cakes, lollipops, taffy, and hard candies. Anything that someone did not think their family would eat or wants to keep themselves from consuming ends up in the company kitchen for collegues to devour while kvetching about calorie content.

Someone even brought in a tinned fruitcake this morning and by 10AM it was just crumbs! I mean come on people, have some standards!

Quote

2006-01-19T14:16:00.000-08:00

This one is from my a friend in Washington's e-mail signature and I thought it was rather funny.

"Don't miss opportunity. It dresses in overalls and looks like work." - Tune
Tech auto sign (Spokane, 12/04)